Gavin Williamson ‘would welcome’ a probe. ‘Nah, you’re alright…’ say Aliens.

UK Politics
Gavin Williamson would welcome a probe. Alien says 'Nah, you're alright.'

Gavin Williamson has said that he would welcome a probe.

In reply an alien spokesman said, ‘Nah, you’re alright.’

Williamson was sacked by Theresa may over an alleged security breach.

But the aliens have said they don’t care what he’s accused of, they don’t offer a probe-a-gram service and that anal penetration is nothing but a research method.

The Dene of Oxford University thanked the aliens for their input and said he hoped their message would encourage students as they continue research towards their final dissertations.

Although the alien spokesman distanced his race from suggestions that they input anything into the Dene, who he described as ‘living in hope.’

In a statement to the Commons David Lidington said ministers would ‘co-operate fully’ with a probe,

adding he’d like to nominate Jacob Rees-Mogg as first in line.

The decision to sack Williamson followed a suggestion that he was responsible for a leak.

But he denied the accusation saying the puddle on the Downing Street floor was ‘probably that bloody cat.’ Although some senior Tories have suggested Theresa May now has so little control that even her bladder is defying her.

In a letter confirming Williamson’s dismissal Mrs May said, ‘No other credible version of events to explain the leak has been identified’. And according to the Prime Minister’s office the matter is now closed.

But a doctor on a spacecraft above Downing Street said he has a tool which can open literally anything if needed. Mrs May is now drawing up a list of Tory rebels who she thinks might be persuaded to tow the party line by being subject to such a probe.

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