Angry commuters have pulled Extinction Rebellion protesters from the top of a train as activists disrupt services across London.
“It’s an outrage!” barked an angry commuter as he hauled a tattooed crusty by his feet off the top of a London tube train, “Why should these non-fare paying freakoids get the best seats? It’s normally so effing crowded inside I usually slip up on top. It’s much better up there. You don’t have some garlic munching sweaty Herbert’s face pushed up against yours for ten stops. As a season ticket holder I demand first dibs of the penthouse seats.”
However, on hearing news of the incident a spokesman for the beleaguered commuters using the abysmal Northern Rail service snapped, “Lucky bastards! At least they’ve got a train to pull protesters down from. We haven’t seen one up here for ages.”
The government is considering whether the management of the North of England’s largest rail commuter service should be taken into public hands.
When the spokesman for the hard-done-by commuters in the north heard this he started weeping and said, “Haven’t we suffered enough? It’s a terrible service already but if those bungling incompetent Old Etonian toss-pots get their hands on it God help us!”
“If that happens,” continued the spokesman, “We commuters will take matters into our own hands. I’ve negotiated a terrific deal on pogo sticks. We can all go to work on them rather than use the trains. It’s bound to be quicker and a lot less bouncy than those shagged out old carriages.”