Free from tyranny of EU quotas, Sheppey’s fishermen develop super-effective new techniques

Business, Home Affairs
Free from tyranny of EU quotas, fishermen on River Sheppey develop super-effective new techniques

Thousands of fish have died in the River Sheppey in Somerset.

This has been hailed as one in the eye for the unelected bureaucrats in Brussels and their industry killing quotas. Hopefully this will kickstart the post-Brexit fishing bonanza when we will finally be free to dredge every living creature out of our oceans without paying attention to anything as pitiful as ‘sustainability’ or ‘the environment’.

A 15km stretch of the river has been affected by a pollution spill.

Only the first of a raft of new methods to increase fishing yields, along with; depth charges, the introduction of mains-connected electrical goods, and submerging speakers that will continuosly play the music of Morrissey into the water until the fish throw themselves onto the bank.

According to The Environment Agency the dead fish are mainly trout and bullheads.

Two of Britain’s most beloved fish. We all remember sitting down as a family and having a delicious bullhead and chips supper.

Workers have sprayed hydrogen peroxide into the river to decontaminate it.

Meaning the surviving fish are now bleach blonde. Hopefully it doesn’t contain any mullet.

Not everyone is happy about this new form of aggressive fishing though. Some amateurs are worried that it will result in less catches for the common man, where there used to be plenty of fish to go around. These concerns were addressed by a local Brexit Party representative who stated, “If you love sharing so much then piss off to Russia you Commie bastard.”

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