Former Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond arrested. Charges rumoured to include ‘Impersonating a Potato in a Public Convenience’.

UK Politics

In a low profile swoop, the podgy big mouthed ex-MP Alex Salmond was arrested Wednesday night as he queued outside his local Fish & Chip shop for a traditional Scottish ‘kerry-oot.’

A Police Scotland spokesman said: “We can confirm a 64-year-old man has been arrested and charged and a report has been sent to the procurator fiscal.

It’s not yet known what exactly he has been charged with. Although given the accusations recently levelled at Salmond in the press, many are drawing their own conclusions.

Namely that he’s likely to have been charged with any of the following offences:

  • Looking like a potato in a public facility.
  • ‘Passing off’ his bonce as a likeness for George Lerner’s classic kids’ toy ‘Mr. Potato Head.’
  • Literally impersonating King Edward


The 64-year-old ex MP is due to appear at Edinburgh Sheriff Court on Thursday.

Rumours that Salmond was arrested for offences under the broadcasting (public decency) laws for his RT show are not thought to be true, since following that rationale, the infamous ‘twat in a hat’ George Galloway would have been thrown into chokey donkeys ago for the very same offence.

Many are keen to know what current First Minister Nicola Sturgeon thinks of the allegations.

“As far as the accusations of sexual harassment levelled at my friend and ex colleague Alex are concerned” she said, “I believe them to be completely without foundation. However, as far as the other, more recent allegations go, I must confess he does look a bit like a potato.”


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