Toe-rags around the country have expressed their anger after a comparison was drawn between them and Britain’s hopeless Prime Minister.
A Sky News vox-pop with a pensioner in Boris’s constituency of Uxbridge yesterday saw the lady in question castigate the interviewer for even daring to mention Boris’s name in front of her, describing him as a ‘filthy piece of toe-rag’ before storming off.
Jack Stinkly, a literal toe-rag from Essex, told us: “I’m the filthiest, smelliest toe-rag in the country, and I’m appalled by this lady’s words. I’ve been wrapped around the fetid, gangrenous foot of a leper for two years, yet to draw a similarity between me and Boris Johnson is absolutely disgraceful.
“After all, at least I perform a function for whoever’s foot I’m wrapped around – what’s he ever done for anybody?”
He concluded: “Yes, we may not be that aesthetically pleasing, and yes, we are quite dirty and smelly, but at least we’ve never lied to the country to win a referendum, lied to the Queen, spent taxpayer money on flying a mistress on business trips, cheated on our wife whilst she was received treatment for cancer.
“Perhaps I should run for PM – I’ve got a better track record of success”