There is renewed confusion over Jeremy Corbyn’s Brexit position after the suggestion that he’d remain neutral in a new EU referendum.
But, a fence in a North Islington allotment is ecstatic at being reunited with the recent, seemingly, decisive Opposition leader
“It’s been tough being apart from Jeremy”, an emotional Fence said, whilst fighting back the tears, “We used to go everywhere together. Northern Ireland, The Middle East, Israel, Strasbourg. But since HE [the new Prime Minister Boris Johnson] came along, Jeremy changed. All of a sudden Jeremy was forthright, had a view, argued his position with confidence, started to regain the trust of the Socialist movement in the UK. He’d stay out late at fringe activist meetings, coming home smelling of cheap bitter, humous and patchouli oil. It was all so upsetting.”
A column Jeremy Corbyn penned in the Guardian appeared to suggest he would take a back seat in any referendum campaign.
“and then there were the secret texts from Yvette Cooper, Ed Milliband. All saying what a great job he was doing. Lib Dem voters saying they would come back to the Labour Party. Even Chuka Umunna popped round with a box of garibaldis.”, the Fence painfully reminisced, “It’s so good to have ‘The Old Jeremy’ back and astride me.”
In an interview with ITV, Jeremy Corbyn would not clarify his personal view on Brexit
“It’s just like the good old days”, a more cheerful sounding fence described, “Journalists trying to get an opinion out of Jezza, with me and him refusing to be drawn on any issue. When he twice led that mass abstention on a Snap General Election I feared we were finished for good”
When asked [in the ITV interview] if he would remain neutral in any future campaign, he said: “As prime minister, I’m offering the people a choice – the only party that’s doing so.”
“That’s the Jeremy I remember”, smiled Fence, “Never offering a personal view, referring issues to The National Executive, deflecting decisions to anyone else stupid enough to make them. Oh, Jeremy! How I’ve missed you”
The Labour leader declined to clarify whether he would back Remain or Leave in a Brexit referendum if he were prime minister.
“Reunited and it feels so good”, sang the Fence, recreating the Peaches & Herbs hit from 1979, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off for a new lick of creosote and have a few splinters sorted”.