Fears Grow That Johnson’s Claim He’s Never Told a Lie May Be a Lie

Popular Right Now, UK Politics
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There has been ridicule and disbelief at the claim made by Boris Johnson in a televised interview that he has never told a single lie in his  whole political career. This is especially as he was twice sacked for lying. ‘So, when he says he has never lied, he is literally lying,’ said Jo Swinson.

However, Professor Tilda Truth, an expert on mendacity from Glasgow University, has spoken up in favour of Boris Johnson.

“Truth is an illusion,” said the overpaid academic, “and its very essence has evaded mankind since Homo sapiens could communicate through speech. There are many and differing views on what exactly truth is, and no two philosophers can agree. In Boris’ case, deep within his psyche, he truly believes what he says, and as such what he says is his truth and not a falsehood. It is up to his audience to decide where the boundaries lie between what is generally perceived by a reasonable person as the truth, and what Boris says.”

When told that Johnson intents to cap the salary of academics should he have a majority in the next parliament, Prof. Truth altered her opinion somewhat, calling Boris ‘a fucking lying skunk!’

Also quick to defend Boris Johnson was his ex-pal the aging, balding peroxide pussycat Jennifer Arcuri, but it was swiftly pointed out to her by the press pack that ‘everybody knows he shagged you and you’re old news luv.’

Diane Abbott was slow to attack Boris, saying, “… my constituents…” then falling asleep, her head flopping into a bowl of soup.

Ex Minister for major fuck ups, Chris Grayling commented, “I rather like Boris. He once said I had pretty eyes…. D’you think he was lying?”

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