A misogynist, law-breaking, homophobic, liar has had some strong words to say about a large gathering of environmental activists.
Prime Minister Boris Johnson claims that campaigners taking part in the Extinction Rebellion protest in London are ‘uncooperative crusties’.
Mr Johnson has accused the demonstrators of bringing chaos to the capital and causing major traffic disruption.
Speaking at a press conference, the Prime Minister said: “Let’s hypothetically say there was a very important man who wanted to get across London to visit an American lady for a technology lesson and have a go on her lap dancing pole.
“That journey to her hypothetic flat/office/love-nest might ordinarily take the important man approximately 23 and a half minutes if he cycles quickly enough. But with the dreadful road snarl-ups caused by the horrible Extinction Rebellion traitors it could take him simply ages to get there. All that eager anticipation and gnawing frustration of not being able to get his hands on the curvaceous technology might have caused him to suffer an accident in the trousers department by then. Simply ghastly.”
Mr Johnson emphasised he felt the protesters were a drain on public resources.
“I have always been absolutely scrupulous in ensuring tax payers’ money is spent very carefully. We shouldn’t be wasting it on the dreadful crusties,” he said.
Mr Johnson called on the activists to stop blocking the streets of London with their tents, which he described as hemp-smelling bivouacs.
“We simply cannot allow people to take copious amounts of drugs whenever they feel like it. Who do they think they are, King Of The World or something,” Mr Johnson added.
“The law is the law and it must be upheld at all times, apart from over Brexit of course. Dominic Cummings has assured me I can do what I damn well please about that. Just you wait.”