Everyone stands down after compulsive bullshitter Matt Hancock says there’s ‘increased likelihood’ the coronavirus will get to UK

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Matt Hancock scrapped after NHS snipers hit target

Health Secretary Matt Hancock says there is an ‘increased likelihood’ of the virus reaching the UK.

Everyone who’s been worried about the coronavirus is much more relaxed after the idiot’s idiot made the comment, as he’s never said anything correct in his life.

Previously concerned citizen, Barabus Valentine, said, “I was shitting myself – like what the papers want – about this virus reaching the UK. I was terrified for my friends, my family, but most of all myself, because those other two groups don’t really matter when it comes down to it.

“However, now Matt ‘Hand Cock’ Hancock has said it’s increasingly likely to reach these shores, I’m completely at ease. Because anything that comes out of his mouth has proven to be utter bullshit, so, in this instance, I am for once truly thankful.

Many citizens have come out of their bunkers upon hearing the news. “Thank goodness for Matt Hancock!” they cheered.

One of them did not say, “Who’d have thought there was an actual use for such an utter bullshit machine; especially one who previously turned up to defend Chris Grayling! But he’s literally put everyone at ease as nothing he’s ever said has been true.

Hancock said the government was “well prepared” to deal with cases of the virus.

Oh bollocks…

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