European Court of Justice rules man doesn’t have to eat his own shit (also finds time to rule on Brexit).


Despite promising the lads in the Rose & Crown he would “eat his own shit” if his team lost the pub quiz for a third week in a row, the European Court of Justice (ECJ) has ruled that Toby Brown, 37, does not have to follow through with his original proposal.

After a tense morning which saw several hours of heated debate the ECJ finally gave its verdict on what the papers have dubbed “the Brown showdown”, before also quickly deciding that the UK can cancel Brexit without the permission of the other 27 EU members, then retiring for lunch; press rumours suggest the involvement of a baguette and some weird cheese.

Mr. Brown originally made his bold declaration in 2016, when it was met with overwhelming support from barely half of the pub, yet all attempts to fulfil the promise have since hit stumbling blocks over the debate as to whether Mr. Brown’s original announcement related to the consumption of a hard or soft stool.

That debate continues, meanwhile, as the UK government rules out the possibility of cancelling Brexit, Mr. Brown has also chosen to ignore the ECJ’s ruling, vowing to respect “the will of some people” he sees once a week at the quiz, despite every conceivable scenario involving Mr. Brown literally eating his own shit.

Dan Kiss

Written By: Dan Kiss

Comedy writer / professionally unemployed.
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