EU reveals plans to Leave the UK while we’re distracted by the football. And they’re taking Scotland with them.

Sport, UK Politics
EU now plans to Leave the UK while we're distracted by the football. And they're taking Scotland with them

The UK’s precise leaving date from the EU is still unclear

But like  a group of friends, bored out of their skulls, at some mindless party, whilst a drunken friend has a breakdown over a unfaithful boyfriend, the EU has decided to depart the party, leaving the UK alone to watch the football in late May, hopefully, without them noticing.

All four teams in Europe’s Premier competitions have been taken by a single nation for the first time

“The EU is utterly fed up with this Brexit nonsense”, stated an exasperated Donald Tusk today, “Desperate times call for desperate measures, so the latest EU plan,  is to slink off in early May, without the UK being aware.”

“It was Michel Barnier’s idea”, added Mr Tusk, “He first thought of the distraction approach, when he saw the utter bewilderment on Dominic Raab’s, by simply showing him a map of Europe.  The vacant, shocked, dormant look of shock was quite amusing. So, with a majority of the UK people watching the football at the end of the month, this is an excellent opportunity to leave the negotiations, without the UK  being any the wiser, whilst we get on with European social reform”

62% of the Scottish vote sided to remain in the EU 

“Don’t leave without us”, screamed a desperate Nicola Sturgeon, “I’ll even pay for the Uber out of here and snatch the wine boxes on the way out.”

58% of the Northern Ireland vote also voted to remain

“Come on Arlene, leave with us”, further pleaded Ms Sturgeon, “Teresa’s not worth it! You’re worth more than that”, she further cried, waving a bottle of ‘Buckie’, with a fish supper tucked under her arm, “Me, Donald and Michel will see you alright. C’mon Pet!”

52% of the Welsh vote went to remain

But nobody invited them to the party, so they stayed at home watching “Rugby Special”, listening to Charlotte Church records.

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