EU President self-isolates after finding Nigel Farage’s vast Porn Stash

UK Politics
EU President self-isolates after finding Nigel Farage's vast Porn Stash

Davide Sassoli, the president of the European Parliament, has revealed he is in self-isolation at his Brussels home after recent travel to Italy.

However, staff on the ground have reported it’s really because he stumbled upon Nigel Farage’s porn stash hidden away in a vast underground cave.

“I have decided after having been in Italy over the last weekend, as a precaution, to follow the indicated measures and exercise my function as president from my home in Brussels in compliance with the 14 days indicated by the health protocol,” Sassoli confirmed said in a statement.

However, it is all a ruse, to cover the shock of coming across Nigel Garage’s vast array of pornography in his man cave of iniquity.

Brussels confirmed the European Parliament had shortened its monthly gathering due to coronavirus concerns. “COVID-19 obliges everyone to be responsible and to be cautious,” Sassoli said, adding that the parliament will continue to exercise its duties.

The collection was mostly Fiesta and Escort Readers Wives all from the 1980s and featuring white women, with girl next door Nazi costumes.

The whole of Italy is on an unprecedented lockdown to help curb the spread of the virus and Sassoli feeling unwell and vomiting.

Farage refused to comment other than say it was nice to see Italy had moved into catenaccio stage, and that his private lock-up was used as a micro-brewery to make good old, warm English beer.

According to friends, Sassoli remains extremely traumatised.

The main cause of the vomiting and symptoms was a rubber doll, dressed as Thatcher, smoking a fag and still reeking of Farage’s English Ale. The Doll was still warm…

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