Environment Agency officials are preparing to deal with “putrefying piles” of rubbish in the event of a no-deal Brexit, according to leaked documents.
Or ‘Tory Brexiteer MPs’, as they are often known, who experts predict will rise to power in the event of a no-deal Brexit, with Theresa May being replaced as leader by a far right fetid mass of excrement such as Boris Johnson or Jacob Rees-Mogg.
If the UK leaves the EU without a deal on 29 March, export licences for millions of tonnes of waste will become invalid overnight.
After all, with freedom of movement to other countries restricted, there is more chance of rotten, pathetic blobs of human waste like Michael Gove or Liam Fox being constrained to stay in the UK, raising pollution levels by espousing their foul xenophobic views and letting out hot air whenever they open their mouths.
One spokesperson for the Environment Agency said “The British people have suffered enough, without some Oxbridge millionaire twat trying to convince them that desperately cooking a rat over a garden incinerator could be considered a ‘win’.”
The leaked emails had been sent to Agency staff, asking for 42 volunteers to staff crisis management centres that would deal with incidents.
Set against a backdrop of rising food places, job losses and inflation that the Brexiteers themselves caused, the EA staff will be hoping to reduce any further damage caused by the country-wreckers.
They will attempt to tackle public incidents involving the putrefying piles of waste by distracting them with Union flags, old episodes of Dad’s Army and Latin textbooks long enough to bag them up, bundle them into a rocket and fire them all back to the nineteenth century.