Drivers of zero-emission vehicles could be given green number plates to make it easier for them to benefit from schemes designed to promote cleaner cars. The green plates would make them easier to spot.
“This is terrific news,” said a spokesman for a caravan of new age car-stealing crusties, Dreadlock Stig, “Those of us that live at the edges of British society work hard to nick high end gas guzzlers and break them up for spare parts. This doesn’t sit comfortably with our alternative life style philosophy. We’d much prefer to knock off environmentally friendly low emission vehicles and simply sell them on, but they’re so hard to spot. This new move to fit them with green number plates will make our work much easier. Thanks, Boris. You’re now slightly less of a c*nt.”
The Department of Transport hopes that more people will consider buying cleaner vehicles when they see the new green plates.
A spokesman for the Department of Transport, Gray Chrisling, said, “With a bit of luck this slight of hand scheme will have those with more money than sense paying tens of thousands more per vehicle because it has a fancy number plate with a high ‘eco-street cred’ snob value. The fact that most electric cars can only travel short distances without being re-charged, coupled with the fact that there are virtually no re-charging points, will result in these cars spending virtually all of their time on the drives of the ‘live on your knees-sandal shuffling’ eco-snobs that buy them. To this end we’ve done a deal with Nissan to have an electric car produced with a range of nearly 50 miles between re-charges. It will cost less than £60k and will be manufactured in the shape of a white elephant.”