Ed Sheeran climbs UK rich list as people pay to stop him singing

Entertainment, Art & Culture
Ed Sheeran climbs UK rich list as people pay to stop him singing

In the past year Ed Sheeran has doubled his wealth to 160 million pounds

aided in no small part by the continued support of the British public – happy to pay to stop him from ever singing again.

Fundraisers in 2018 were tireless in their attempts to garner support, organising far-reaching advertising campaigns such as ‘Save the Children’s Ears’ and the televised special, ‘Auditory Relief’. Hosted by stars from stage and screen, 20 million was raised in one night as the audience was treated to real music and lyrics and encouraged to remember, ‘you don’t have to listen to him – you can just pay instead.’

Sheeran climbed to No. 17 on the recently announced ‘Sunday Times Rich List’. He benefited from his ‘Divided World Tour’

which sold out silent stadiums around the world. Contrary to the tour name, countries and cultures united to help each other ensure that every single seat was empty and that Sheeran could happily go on to sing to no-one. “This isn’t about politics or economics,” said a top EU politician. “It’s about the future. It’s about protecting our children, all children. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing that just over the border, someone was listening to that.”

Poised to release a new collaboration with Justin Bieber called, ‘I Don’t Care’,

Sheeran stated, “it’s there in the title of the song, you know? It’s not about music at all, or sending any kind of message. I just want to make money. I honestly don’t care. If you pay up, you won’t ever hear the slam poetry section or the leet-speak rap, and I think that’s just beautiful.” Bieber is famously the second most highly paid artist in terms of listener-prevention, saying, “It was great collaborating with Ed on this, knowing that everything we did was going to be heard by absolutely no one.”

Sheeran now leads the ‘Young Musicians Rich List’ compiled by The Sunday Times’ Robert Watts who said, “We believe he has the potential to become the first British musician to reach billionaire status.”

As listeners of all ages continue to pay to avoid listening to his entire body of work, this prediction might just be right.

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