Dozens of new drones on display at CES technology expo. Sussex police can’t find any of them.

Crime, Popular Right Now, Science and Tech
Police can't find drones at CES

Dozens of innovative new drones are being unveiled at a technology trade show in Las Vegas.

Immediately after industry giant DJI demoed their impressive new search and rescue drone, a Sussex police sergeant stated: ‘At this point we are considering the option that there may never have been a drone at all’.

When we pointed to the quad-rotor unmanned aerial reconnaissance device hovering between his head and a banner reading ‘Look at this new drone’, the officer’s eyes seemed to glaze over. ‘I see nothing’, he said.

Sunflower Labs are expected to show their new home security drone – the Bee.  

Snipers from Sussex police are standing by. They’ve been warned that, if it ever appears, this drone may transform into a seventeen-foot-high Autobot with rocket launchers, or worse, a yellow VW Beetle. There’s a chance they may be thinking of Bumblebee, the titular star of the new Transformers movie.

Their sergeant denied the blunder: ‘At this point we are not ruling out the possibility that drones do not and will never actually exist, but that robots from movies pose a very real threat to national security’.

He warned that his officers were on red alert for androids, cybermen and ‘suspicious metal beings’ of all kinds, and that anyone heard saying ‘I’ll be back’ in any context whatsoever would be shot in the head. 

The CES expo attracts around 180,000 visitors each year.

Of these, approximately 47% have already been taken into custody and had their homes raided by Sussex police. An 85,000-page special edition of The Mail on Sunday will feature the photos and compromising personal information of these ‘morons that ruined every Christmas from now until the end of time and probably also murdered your mum by force-feeding her halal meat’.

This will be followed by a one-sentence clarification at the bottom of page seven in the following week’s issue, stating that it’s been brought to their attention that not all of the people named are heartless bastards who deserve to be burned on a pyre as previously suggested.

More updates from CES 2019 as it continues.

Alexander MJ Smith

Written By: Alexander MJ Smith

Alexander is an emerging writer of funny things for screen, stage and speaker system. His credits include BBC Radio 4 Extra’s Newsjack and the word ‘include’ to make it sound like there are lots more. He also sometimes writes things that aren’t funny (on purpose) and sometimes these get published.
Read All Posts By Alexander MJ Smith