Donald Trump to assist Greta Thunberg’s zero carbon journey by placing her in a catapult

Climate change activist Greta Thunberg will spend two weeks travelling across the North Atlantic on a boat with a zero carbon footprint. She has stopped flying due to environmental reasons, but is due to attend a crucial climate change conference in New York.

Donald Trump has kindly offered to assist Greta on her return journey after the conference. “I’ve come up with transportation that is completely carbon-free and will finish off that little brat, I mean will see that wonderful child home safely”. He then unveiled an enormous catapult the size of the Statue of Liberty. “This device will propel the lovely Greta all the way back to Europe where she belongs. No emissions, no carbon footprint, no chance of survival, I mean I hope she has a pleasant arrival”. 

Trump went on to explain how more catapults will be used on the Mexican border. “It will be a fun ride for those immigrant parasites. You all liked those see-saws in my border wall last week, well this is like a giant one way see-saw”. 

Greta told the BBC that travelling by boat sends a signal that “the climate change crisis is a real thing”.

Donald Trump responded by saying “sure, it’s a real thing, I can see it right now”. He then began waving at nothing, winking at the assembled press and in a loud whisper continued “I’m humouring the child, it’s good that kids have imaginations and dreams. Like Santa Claus or that the USA is the land of the free, you grow out of it”.