Dominic Raab threatens to unleash Flying Monkeys to ensure a No Deal Brexit

Entertainment, Art & Culture, UK Politics
Dominic Raab was last night accused of dragging the Queen into the Brexit row by threatening to suspend Parliament to force a No Deal. And in addition, should that fail, he then went on to threaten Parliament with his own flock of Flying Monkeys

Dominic Raab was last night accused of dragging the Queen into the Brexit row by threatening to suspend Parliament to force a No Deal.

And in addition, should that fail, he then went on to threaten Parliament with his own flock of Flying Monkeys.

Mr Raab suggested he may prorogue Parliament so pro-Remain MPs can’t pass a law delaying or cancelling Brexit.

“Shutting down Parliament is by far the easiest way to ensure we leave the EU on 31st October”, Mr Raab proposed, “However, should that simpleton, Bercow, get in my way, I shall release my own flock of Flying Monkeys to oversee my bidding”

Commons Speaker John Bercow told MPs: “Parliament will not be evacuated from the centre stage of the decision-making process on this important matter. That is simply not going to happen.”

“The MP for Esher and Walton, is quite clearly deluded. If he feels techniques employed by fictional characters from the 1939 classic movie will overpower my Invisibility Cloak, Marauder’s Map and Elder Wand, then the Right Honourable Member clearly needs help”, he combated, “and if that fails, I’ll drag out The Ruby Slippers”

Flying Monkeys were popularised by the movie “The Wizard of OZ”, used by The Wicked Witch of the West,  to carry out evil deeds on her behalf

“And your point is?”, responded everyone’s former failed Brexit Secretary

….and has since become a term in popular psychology for people who act on behalf of a narcissist, usually for an abusive purpose

“And your point is?”, repeated Dominic Raab

Fellow leadership contender Matt Hancock lashed the plan as “not a serous policy of a prime minister in the 21st century.”

“..which, in my view, makes him a real front runner for the Tory Leadership. His lack of empathy is fully consistent with the former great leaders of this party”, he eulogised

Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt  said “it wouldn’t work. The last time anybody tried to dissolve Parliament, it led to the English civil war.”

“Which wasn’t all bad now, was it?”, he chuckled,  “We are long overdue for a round of domestic fisty cuffs. It would give the Home Office something to do.”

Home Secretary Sajid Javid branded Dominic Raab’s idea “complete nonsense. It’s anti-democratic, and anti-British,” he stormed.

“…so fully in line with the current exit strategy from the EU”. I like his style”  he added”

An MP backing Mr Raab last night said: “Dominic made clear that he would use every lever of the executive to ensure that the UK can leave the EU at the end of October.”

“…please don’t tell anyone who I am. Please!”

Dominic Raab is Karate Black Belt

 and is now practising “The Touch of Death”

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