Boris Johnson’s decision to suspend parliament is unlawful, a Scottish court has ruled.
Chief special adviser, Dominic ‘I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-Tucker’ Cummings, has advised Boris to sack Scotland from the Union and Commonwealth with immediate effect.
Senior politicians including First Minister of Scotland Nicola Sturgeon and Labour’s shadow Brexit secretary Sir Keir Starmer have urged for parliament to be recalled now.
The government have ignored completely the demands of fellow ministers and are to appeal the decision in the Supreme Court on Tuesday. If the appeal fails there is the possibility of MPs returning to Parliament by the middle of next week.
If this is the case, Sir Elton John has offered to send a fleet of aircraft to the Cayman Islands to ensure the safe return of government ministers.
After a series of parliamentary defeats, the loss of two dozen ministers and the loss of confidence of his brother, Prime Minister Boris Johnson is sticking by his chief adviser.
“Dominic’s a jolly good chap. He’s sending me to Buckingham Palace to acquire the Queen’s permission for Scotland to be put on ebay and sold prior to the Supreme Court hearing. Always one step ahead.” Commented the Prime Minister.
Mr. Cummings, whom has recently been accused by Chuka Umunna of ‘wrongly carrying out work for the Tory party while being paid by the taxpayer’ was asked to explain his decision…
“Scotland has been a thorn in England’s side for millennia, it’s time to go. Come to think of it, so has the north of england… Boris!!”