Prime Minister Boris Johnson has reshuffled his cabinet
And to absolutely nobody’s surprise has appointed Dominic Cummings to every role in the cabinet under the advice of Dominic Cummings.
Sajid Javid has resigned as chancellor
“Nice to see The Saj do the decent thing and fall on his own sword that was dangling over his head in a Damoclesian fashion “, the unelected adviser to the PM was quoted, “I speak metaphorically of course….. For the moment”
Earlier in the week, Dominic Cummings suggested that the entire cabinet be replaced by the characters from the children’s television show “PJ Masks”
“My first suggestion was to replace the cabinet with a selection of hand puppets all operated by me, but the blindingly obvious metaphor was sadly rejected”, seethed the mild-mannered Political Strategist, “After my not so ‘tongue-in-cheek’ PJ Masks suggestion was also rejected there was only one option. I’ll do every job”
Ester McVey, Andrea Ledsome, Julian Smith and Geoffrey Cox, all lost their positions
“Muppets!”, Mr Cummings spat, “But I couldn’t get them on board. It seems most decent things in this world are caring, empathetic, sympathetic and have values deeply rooted in socialism. That Sesame Street bunch included.”
Dominic Raab (Foreign Secretary) and Pritti Patel (Home Office) have kept their roles
“That’s what it appears like”, Dominic winked before slipping into his comfortable taxi.