News that a cruise ship carrying a load of brawling ‘patriotic’ Brits has returned safely to port without hitting a single iceberg has been met with disappointment today.
Six people were hurt as P&O’s Britannia sailed to Southampton after a week-long trip to Norway’s fjords, with the violence erupting after an afternoon of “patriotic” partying on deck, when large amounts of alcohol were consumed.
The sight of dozens of boozed up Brits draped in Union Jack flags swinging punches at anyone who looked slightly foreign served witnesses as both a reminder of recent pro-Brexit protests in London and a terrifying glimpse into what a typical day in post-Brexit Britain might be like.
Plates and furniture were reportedly used as weapons during the incident in the early hours of Friday.
Providing some much needed training in the combat skills necessary to survive in a country that will shortly be suffering from food and medicine shortages, and in which the sight of one neighbour hitting another with a lampstand to secure the last loaf of bread in Lidl will be commonplace.
One witness said the incident was sparked by a passenger taking offence at another holidaymaker dressed as a clown. However, P&O denied there was someone dressed as a clown on the ship.
In their search for the culprit who is to blame for the utter fiasco, police are now reportedly heading to the last location a clown was sighted.
One officer said: “We just hope Boris is at home in Number Ten Downing Street when we get there.”