As us Brits obsess over what’s going to happen if and when we crash out of the EU with no deal – it’s easy to forget that we’re not the only country that’s going to feel the impact of Brexit.
Our researchers* have been digging deep** to find out exactly how the rest of Europe is preparing for a No Deal Brexit.
The Italian government is preparing a gastronomic repatriation scheme – because of the sheer number of Italian chefs who face the prospect of losing jobs in UK restaurants and being sent home Penne-less.
The French finally plan to start investing in their own wine production, in order to offset the increased cost of importing that beautiful British wine they love so much.
Germany has finally developed a national sense of humour – after two years watching the incompetence of the British administration, they now understand the meaning of the word ‘joke’.
You can see Angela Merkel and her 83 million citizens performing in the Pleasance Courtyard at the Edinburgh Festival this August.
The Dutch authorities are preparing to import vast quantities of vomit and piss to avoid shortages when British stag parties dry up.
Amsterdam City Council will also be launching a retraining programme to help the city’s 2,000 sex workers find new careers.
Finland is currently in hibernation – but will make plans when it wakes up in the spring.
Denmark is keeping its plans under wraps. However, they’re probably the best no-deal plans in the world.
Ireland, meanwhile, is planning to hang itself in the garage…
** (into the deepest parts of the shallow end)