David Cameron’s commons pass has expired. Unlike his continuing membership at the local abattoir.

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David Cameron has been barred from parliament – after failing to renew his security pass.

It’s understood Mr Cameron’s team expected parliamentary officials to contact them when the pass needed renewing.

Presumably those in charge of sending out the renewal reminders realised that the card had expired a whole two and a half years after any hope of a political future for the shiny-faced referendum gambler had long-since disappeared.

The oversight was first reported by The Daily Mail.

Which handily has given future historians the first recorded example of The Daily Mail blaming an event on someone other than Jeremy Corbyn, immigrants or benefits scroungers.

Former MPs are entitled to passes giving them privileged access to the parliamentary estate and its subsidised facilities – but only if they apply for them.

Cameron’s team may have accidentally let his commons pass expire, but they’re still in his good books – because they’ve managed to ensure his membership at the local abattoir has stayed in good standing.

He treats that place like a library. Pops in when the missus is away, sees if there is something he’d like to dive into, takes it home, ploughs through it and then returns it. And then repeat ad-nauseum.

Emphasis on the nauseum.

The BBC understands that Mr Cameron’s name is also absent from the updated version of the list due to be released later this month, although there is still time for him to reapply if he wants.

Sadly, it seems that none of those still entitled to enter parliament are willing to pull their own fingers out to save the former Bullingdon boy’s bacon.

Pete Redfern

Written By: Pete Redfern

Pete has written for various satire sites and hails from Berkshire, where he lives with his wife and two children. Despite looking like a hooligan, Pete has little interest in either football or violence, and instead spends his spare time trying to make people laugh on the internet, mostly unsuccessfully.
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