David Cameron has asked to join Man City after he realised they’re able to rewrite history.
On Saturday City beat Watford 6-0 in the FA Cup final, equalling the record cup final score and making them the first team ever to complete the English domestic treble.
After hearing the news Cameron (a lifelong fan of either West Ham or Aston Villa – he’s not sure which) approached club bosses to ask if they can ‘rewrite one or two minor episodes from the past that people keep bringing up.’
The former Prime Minister’s memoirs are due to be released in September this year.
And he hopes City will be able to spin his story to ensure it’s a true representation of what he wants people to think of him. A club insider revealed that when asked to expand on the ‘one or two minor episodes’ of his life he wants rewritten Mr Cameron replied, ‘Just austerity. The referendum. Tax avoidance. And when I fucked a pig – oh and that time I fucked 63 million people too.’
The news comes as a plethora of politicians, past and present, look to get involved in football.
After sacking Chris Hughton for achieving reasonable results based on the size and expectations of the club, Brighton have asked local MP Caroline Lucas to take over as manager.
Chelsea are in talks with Nigel Farage who has promised to replicate Man City’s treble, and assured them they’ll be champions of Europe, World cup winners, and the envy of the sporting world, based solely on their transfer ban which prevents them bringing in any new players.
And Nick Clegg has been approached by the Scottish FA to take the reins of the national team. A spokesman for the SFA said, ‘We need someone who can promise great things with no real expectation that he’ll actually deliver.’