[Cough] I say to you, [cough] the British Public.. [cough], oh Fuck it sort it out yourselves…

UK Politics
Wasted day for Conservatives after Boris Johnson gets trapped in his own jumper

The Prime Minister says he had experienced mild symptoms over the past 24 hours, including a temperature and cough, but would continue to lead the government.

Our News Dump reporters can confirm that the source of Coronavirus can be traced back to a lectern at a Tory Party conference in Manchester back in 2017..(Cough Splutter..”Does anyone..have a Strepsil”)

England’s Health Secretary Matt Hancock said he had also tested positive while England’s Chief Medical Officer, Prof Chris Whitty, has shown symptoms.

Hereby laying truth to the speculation that all three are suffering from Covid-19 and also a new strain of virus  known as ‘Lecternitus’

Asked whether the prime minister and health secretary should have been “better protected”, Michael Gove said “The fact that the virus is no respecter of individuals, whoever they are, is one of the reasons why we do need to have strict social distancing measures so that we can reduce the rate of infection and reduce the pressure on the NHS,” he added.

Which..indeed is something Prince Charles can vouch for although he did say off the record that he was happy he could now legally social distance himself from Meghan, on the downside for HRH, security cameras at the Tower of London have picked up images of Wills trying on various crowns.

So as the ‘Top Table’ are all feeling the effects of the corona virus we’ll leave you with recording of Boris latest video screening to address the nation:..”Cough cough..I say to you the British public…Oh Fuck it sort it out yourselves…cough…”


If you are still struggling with the new measures put in place of these last few days do go to our latest website for further help and information at:          confused.gove.uk

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