A disease which was on the verge of causing a world-wide health crisis has been destroyed.
For weeks nations across the globe have watched helplessly as the coronavirus rapidly grew in strength.
But now a cure has been discovered, after a lab experiment exposed the bacteria to a sample of breath and saliva from American president Donald Trump. The virus was wiped out within seconds.
Professor Kevin Kubrick carried out the forensic tests. He found the coronavirus’s immune system had been completely overwhelmed when confronted with the poisons and toxins contained within Mr Trump’s DNA.
“Quite simply the coronavirus didn’t have a chance when put up against the President’s potty mouth,” Prof Kubrick said.
“After hearing a few of his re-election campaign speeches I had a hunch Mr Trump’s acidity level would prove too much for pretty much anything known to mankind, and so it’s proved. This guy could kill a cockroach just by talking to it.”
Washington-based political pundit David Starbrick reluctantly praised the President for having the ability to save humanity.
“I suppose I have to admit that Mr Trump is now useful for at least one good thing,” Mr Starbrick said through gritted teeth.
“But let’s not kid ourselves. The fact he can kill the coronavirus is nothing to do with skill or intelligence.
“Mr Trump will probably lie and claim it’s a superpower he’s developed, calling it something stupid like the Deadly Ninja Breath Technique.”
After being told about the success of the experiment, the President said he was absolutely delighted.
“This is wonderful news, and shows just how great I am at the Deadly Ninja Breath Technique,” he told a packed press conference.
“I’m making arrangements for samples of my super saliva to be distributed to all the trouble spots across the world that have been hit by the coronavirus, for the very reasonable price of $1-million-a-gob.”