The General Election will take place next week, and Labour is currently languishing behind the Conservatives in the opinion polls.
In a last ditch attempt to catch the Tories, Jeremy Corbyn will be undertaking a whirlwind tour of television studios as he tries to spice up his image and win the public’s approval.
First of all, in tonight’s televised Prime Ministerial Debate Mr Corbyn will suggest doing away with the conventional format. Instead he will challenge Boris Johnson to wrestle with him in front of a roaring fire, just like Oliver Reed and Alan Bates from the film Women In Love.
Then for the rest of the weekend, rather than appear on the usual political snoozefest shows, Mr Corbyn will focus his attention on the popular family entertainment programmes.
First up on the list is the BBC where the Labour leader will be hoping to enchant everyone with his nifty footwork as he guest stars on Strictly hosted by Claudia Winkleman and Tess Daly.
Mr Corbyn’s partner on the dance floor will be none other than Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell, as the duo try to reach out to the LGBT community with their same-sex routine to the strains of the anthemic Gloria Gaynor toe-tapper I Will Survive.
After that’s over, Mr Corbyn will motor over to the ITV studios where he’ll sing on X Factor dressed as Alice Cooper and belting out the 1972 classic Elected.
“Fortunately Jeremy and John McDonnell are used to dancing on the head of a pin, so they quickly mastered the footwork they’ll need for Strictly,” said Labour party spokesman Kevin Collins.
“Being associated with the X Factor is a big gamble though. It used to be a huge working class favourite, but now it’s just a worn out load of dross. The potential cruel comparisons with the Labour party are obvious.”
Mr Collins added that ideally Mr Corbyn’s PR team would also like to place him on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here before the election is held on Thursday.
“Unfortunately that’s filmed in Australia and we risk the disapproval of Greta Thunberg if Jeremy flies out there,” he sighed.