Corbyn to enter Bolton IronMan to counter ‘frail’ accusations

UK Politics
Jeremy Corbyn set to reveal his cunning masterplan any day now

Labour has written to the head of the civil service to request an independent investigation into anonymous warnings leaked to a newspaper that claimed Jeremy Corbyn could be too frail to function as prime minister.

But to immediately quash the rumours, it appears the leader of the opposition, Jeremy Corbyn, has been entered into the “Ironman UK” competition in Bolton on July 14, by the Labour National Executive

Ironman consists of a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bicycle race, finishing off with s 26.22 mile Marathon Run

“What?”, cried an alarmed Jeremy Corbyn, from a bush he was beating around, on a North London allotment, “112 miles on a Brompton Bicycle? I was informed that the policy decision process on this proposal would take the normal 36 months to finally get into Labour Party Policy. We can’t go fast tracking decisions like this. Where would we be if the Labour Party had a kneejerk reaction to Brexit, Anti-Semitism, Economic Policy, TV Licenses for the Over 75s?”

Deputy Leader of the Labour Party is Tom Watson

“These are serious allegations, against Jeremy”, stated Mr Watson “and in a quick, uncharacteristic, response, we thought we would enter our esteemed septuagenarian leader, for an Ironman as quickly as possible”

According to Reuters in 2016, in a study of more than 9 million participants over three decades found that deaths and cardiac arrests struck 1.74 out of every 100,000 competitors.

“Whilst tragic, that is a risk myself, Yvette Cooper, John McDonnell, Keir Starmer, Emily Thornbury and many others in Shadow Cabinet are prepared to take”, stated Mr Watson, “These are serious allegations and The Labour Party needs to act quickly. For once”.

An unnamed civil servant was quoted as saying “There’s growing concern that he’s [Jeremy Corbyn] too frail and is losing his memory. He’s not in charge of his own party.”

“Strong and stable leadership is what we want”, the anonymous back-stabber went onto say, “Or perhaps not”

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