Corbyn finally falls off fence to endorse ‘Remain’. Also backs construction of the M1, a name change for Opal Fruits, the signing of the Magna Carta…

UK Politics
Jeremy Corbyn set to reveal his cunning masterplan any day now

Labour has finally agreed a position on Brexit and has challenged the new Prime Minister to hold a People’s Vote.

Ambulances were called to the scene of a North London allotment, where the reports of a 70 year old man falling from a great height off a garden fence have been reported.

Three years after the referendum, the official opposition say they have ‘agreed a settled Brexit position.’

The man, identified as a Mr Jeremy Corbyn was also heard to claim that the Labour Party now fully support the building of the Channel Tunnel and the construction of the M1.

Jeremy Corbyn has been quoted as saying “”Whoever becomes the new prime minister should have the confidence to put their deal, or no deal, back to the people in a public vote.”

“But not only on this issue. The National Executive feel we should also put the subject of the 1971  decimalisation of currency  back to the people. Labour would support decimalisation in that case”, the Leader of the Opposition   claimed from a patch of very long grass that has been growing under his feet, “I’ve really grown to love those little seven sided coins”

Labour has been painfully split by Brexit with pro-Leave leader Jeremy Corbyn facing pressure from Remainers in his cabinet and wider party.

“It’s time for Labour to be decisive on the main issues of the day, by holding more referendums on a range of subjects”, the MP for Islington North calmly proposed from a row of houses he has been going around for the past three years, “For example, the use of the metric measurement system, is a key issue for many and the Labour Party will endorse it’s usage, (except for pints of beer and road signs)”

Mr Corbyn went onto say “Our country is ravaged by inequality and rising poverty, huge regional imbalances of investment, and the government is failing to tackle the climate emergency facing us all.”

“Which is why we need to put the Magna Carta back to the country”, the Labour Leader said from a bush that has somehow survived the relentless beating around it has suffered since 2016, “and I’m please to say that after 804 years, The Labour Party will be campaigning to endorse that agreement”

Tom Watson, Deputy Leader of the Labour Party and key ‘Remain’ figure in the labour party

stated, “I would like to thank the Shadow Cabinet and key Union Leaders for supporting me and shaking the fence at the allotment today and also the emergency services for holding the safety net.”

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