Theresa May has responded to Jeremy Corbyn’s letter setting out his five demands for a Brexit deal.
Labour asked for the following before agreeing to sign off on any deal:
1) Mrs May provide weekly backrubs to Mr Corbyn
2) Mrs May must locate The Jade Monkey, believed to be hidden by ancient powers deep within the darkest jungle
3) Mrs May must write and perform light operetta entitled “Once Merrily I Wandered”
4) Mrs May must transmute three sacks of straw into gold before the stroke of midnight
5) Mrs May must slay Cereberus, the three-headed guardian of Hades.
Mr Corbyn has repeatedly said there should be a general election if Mrs May cannot get a deal through Parliament.
The letter also provides an alternative to the chanllange: the contract is void if Mrs May can deduce Mr Corbyn’s “True Name”.
He has also faced pressure from some of his MPs to push for another public vote on Brexit.
“At this stage the most important thing is that we leave with a deal,” said Mr Corbyn, tossing a needle into a haystack, “The second most important thing is getting as much out of the government as possible.”
When asked about using the vote to actually improve people’s lives, Mr Corbyn blinked several times before turning back to his cat-herding obstacle course.
Mrs May’s response concludes with saying she looked forward to the two parties meeting “as soon as possible”.
She also thanked Mr Corbyn for being reasonable, and setting expectations that were easier than solving the Backstop.