Conservative emergency as spineless Michael Gove is caught in Storm Ciara above London for hours.

UK Politics
Conservative emergency as spineless Michael Gove is caught in Storm Ciara above London for hours

The Met Office is issuing further weather warnings tonight following the ongoing chaos caused by storm Ciara.

The Government has increased the severity of the storm warnings, following an serious incident involving party member Michael Gove.

Disaster struck for the party after Gove found himself in a life threatening situation, as he was swept into the Storm after opening a window to air out the smell of an ‘unspecified psychoactive substance’.

Gove is the only invertebrate in the Conservative Party, and therefore lacks a spine; as such, he was unable to brace himself against the gales raging outside, and was thrown into the center of the storm raging outside.

Gove then spent several hours pinballing above Parliament, spinning around like a bottle full of piss on the floor of a Volvo.

Staffers tried to get Gove down with several curtain hooks, poles, and crude lassos, but he was unfortunately far too high up and travelling far too quickly.
Jacob Rees-Mogg suggested shooting Gove down with an antique blunderbuss he had in the trunk of his car, but was reminded by staffers that would be frowned upon by the rest of the party, as Gove isn’t a working class Liverpudlian.

In a last ditch attempt, a metric tonne of cocaine was placed next to the open window in Gove’s office, in the hopes that he would will his way towards it like a cartoon character floating towards a pie on a windowsill, but unfortunately the storm overpowered even Gove’s lust for Peruvian decongestants.

Gove finally descended during a lull in the storm, and was able to be successfully roped in, like a xenophobic weather balloon, where he was then tied to his chair and weighed down with a 200 page manifesto about the negatives of leaving the E.U.

Incidents such as this could be avoided if Gove grew a spine, so it is more than likely that this will continue for as long as he is in the cabinet.

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