Concept of “Needing Food” dismissed as “Remoaner scaremongering” as Brexiteers call for adoption of WTO dieting

Health, Lifestyle and Family, Popular Right Now, UK Politics
Reasons Post-Apocalyptic Post-Brexit Britain will be Great

Following the partial release of Operation Yellowhammer, The chief executive of the Co-op has warned that a no-deal Brexit could lead to fresh food shortages and higher prices in its supermarkets.

However, Brexiteers were quick to dismiss the announcement as another in a long line of businesses unable to compete effectively and seeking to blame Brexit as a scapegoat. John Timms, a member of a Pro-Brexit think tank was quoted as saying “They’re clinging to the old business model that suggests people need food regularly.”

He continued “To even suggest the human body just ‘stops’ working without food is just the latest in an increasingly desperate series of lies foisted on the Great British public. And for what? I’ll tell you what. So a group of un-elected bureaucrats in Brussels can cling to the idea that food easily gaining entry in the UK without punishingly inefficient border checks is somehow a good idea.”

“The tyranny of 3 full meals a day is an E.U diktat forced upon us for far too long.”

Timms who, unprompted, mentioned that he wasn’t racist then went on to champion the idea of WTO dieting. Brexiteers have claimed provisions for 1200 calories per person, per day should be more than achievable after a lengthy negotiation process “One bowl of carrots and slightly out of date porridge is all you need to eat. Just having one meal a day will also free up a lot of precious foraging time.”

Conservative MP Nigel Evans has labelled Yellowhammer, the government’s own report into the worst-case scenario of what will happen following a no-deal Brexit, as “Project Fear on steroids”

In support of Timm’s new diet, Evans continued “Yes, for too long the bloated EU has robbed us of our drive to forage through bins for essential survival items. Outside of their insidious grasp we’ll be granted a new sense of desperate purpose.”

Upon hearing that Michael Gove had given assurances that safeguards had been put in place to prevent worst case scenarios outlined in Yellowhammer, the public began preparing for the shadowy outline of death to usher in the end of days as the 4 horsemen run amok, once they’ve finally cleared customs at Dover.

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