Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber are heading for Number 1 on the Official Singles Chart this Friday, after their first collaboration was released last Saturday.
The song, evidently written with the general public’s feelings towards both of them in mind, is titled “I Don’t Care”.
The ‘tune’ leads today’s Official Chart Update after accumulating 4.7 million streams across the weekend, and has also achieved more digital downloads than the rest of the Top 5 combined.
It’s almost as if a collaboration between two of the world’s most successful artists could have been a cynical move to maximise sales, especially among prepubescent listeners who are yet to discover proper music.
Should I Don’t Care keep up its momentum, the song will become Ed Sheeran’s sixth UK Number 1 and Justin’s seventh chart topper.
However, theologians have today warned that the collaboration is a sure warning that we are approaching the end times.
Father Terry Fyeing, a priest from West Bumwipe in Yorkshire, told us: “In the Book of Revelation we are given a list of harbingers that signal the approach of the end of days, when earthquakes, famines and wars will ravage the land, and millions will cry out in pain and fear.
“But what we hadn’t prepared for was a collaboration between Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber. There can be no clearer sign that God is displeased with humanity and is poised to rain down his righteous wrath upon us than the existence of such an aural monstrosity.
“No amount of ‘Beliebing’ is going to get us out of this one, I’m afraid.”