Coleen Rooney has spent five months exposing who was leaking private information from her instagram account to the Sun. Coleen planted fake stories and by blocking all accounts save one that she suspected, she discovered that someone using Rebekah Vardy’s Instagram was the culprit.
These detective skills have been noted by Donald Trump as he is desperate to find the whistleblower who leaked information about his call with the President of the Ukraine Volodymyr Zelensky.
Coleen, wife of DC United footballer Wayne Rooney, suggested the President follow her lead and tell different, ridiculous fake stories about himself to various members of staff and see which one makes it to the press. “I made up things like I’m going to Mexico for gender selection treatment for my baby” Coleen told the President. “You could say something like you want to ban all Muslims from entering the USA” she suggested. “Done that” Trump replied.
Moving on Coleen said “how about saying you want to build a moat to go with your Mexico wall, oooh and then say you want to fill it with snakes and alligators!” Trump got excited; “you think it’s a good idea too? They wouldn’t let me, apparently there wasn’t enough room in the defence budget for 30,000 alligators and 70,000 snakes”.
Undeterred Coleen said “say that you’re going to invade South America with specially trained military grade llamas, and also Canada, but with elk instead of the llamas, so that you can create one giant America, and then change the name to Trumpland. Anyone who leaks that has to your whistleblower”.
Hearing this Trump jumped out of his chair. “Great idea! I can see it now; Trumpland! Orange flags waving!” Coleen replied “no Mr President, it’s a fake story”, but it was too late, Trump was on the phone asking for the cost breakdown of a llama battalion.