Climate Protestors securely glued to the Department for Transport still outpacing average Northern Rail commuter

UK Politics
Climate Protestors securely glued to the Department for Traffic still outpacing average Northern Rail commuter

Extinction Rebellion activists have glued themselves to the Department for Transport and the lobby of the Home Office in another day of protests, with further action planned at other government department buildings as hundreds face arrest.

Upon hearing about the political statement the environmental group were making, regular Northern commuter John Timms was approached for comment about his experiences of being completely immobile for long periods of time “Hour after hour we sit on the platform. There are announcements, there are excuses, sometimes there are apologies so soulless they’ve might have been written by a Terminator.”

“There are never refunds.”

Timms then talked of his experiences on the replacement bus service “Yes, yes a hermetically sealed in a decrepit bone-shaker with 60 other people’s expelled body gasses. Victims of a damaged architect so insane in his navigation that the route to Manchester detours first to Burnley then back to Preston. Some claim at journeys end the B.O becomes so potent it leaves a mark on the windows.”

“Those are the lucky ones.” He added.

Fellow commuter Sally Ails confirmed the conditions “Everyday I try and go to work. The train would be cancelled and I’d go home.”

“Those extinction protesters wanted to be stationary, they chose it. Yet they cover the same amount of ground as me whilst being rooted in place with industrial adhesive. Yes, they chose it but me… coming here, enduring Northern Rail cancellation after cancellation… it’s a prison of my own creation… No noble higher aim, no cause… I just thought I might be able to get to work.”

“I see now what a fool I’ve been.”

“It’s been 3 months. I’d have been sacked but the HR guy gets the same train and he can’t get into the office to process my P45. It’s funny really, obviously I don’t joke about it with him though, he’s a weapons grade twat.”

When reached for comment, Northern Rail’s customer service department responded with a quiet laugh that slowly intensified into a howling, screeching cacophony of cackling before clearly stating “No refunds.” as the line went dead.

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