Climate change won’t make us stupider – says man who is already quite thick.

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Rising levels of carbon dioxide could cause a decline in the brainpower of workers around the world according to new research by academics at University College London.

This comprehensive study has been roundly dismissed by a man, Terry Sand, who reckons ‘it’s probably fine’ and ‘nothing to worry about.’ Terry has no evidence to back up his claims but luckily he’s living in an age where that doesn’t seem to matter even slightly.

Terry, who once got an Amazon Prime trial specifically to watch The Grand Tour before forgetting to cancel it and paying full-whack, stated: ‘I’ve heard a lot about these greenhouse gases but no one I know even owns a bloody greenhouse!’

The higher amounts of greenhouse gas in the atmosphere could affect our memory, concentration and decision-making abilities.

‘Honestly my concentration and decision making skills are absolutely fine! Oh and memory yeah, always forget that one. What were we talking about?’ Terry was then briefly distracted from the interview by a butterfly, before deciding to try and grab it and falling face-first through an open window.

In May 2018, the average monthly level of CO2 in the atmosphere reached its highest level in recorded history.

Despite these facts, Terry, a man who puts his potatoes in the fridge just in case, is adamant that the threat of climate change is not something he’s worried about. ‘I’ll be honest, workers losing brainpower isn’t an issue that really affects me. I’ve been retired for fifteen years.’

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