Scientists who have announced that they have designed a ‘magic bullet’ to combat global warming, have disappointed environmentalists globally by revealing that it is not a .44 Magnum designed to be fired through the forehead of Donald Trump.
Top-notch boffin Dr George Eccles, who has been working on the project for a number of years now, said that whilst removing Mr Trump from the world would help global warming, the President hadn’t been in the post when the research started.
“What we have designed here is a machine that can remove carbon dioxide from the atmosphere at a tiny concentration of 410 parts in a million, which can then be synthesised into petrol, diesel and jet fuel without the need to burn fossil fuels. Believe me, removing one idiot would have been easier.”
Despite the claims of the scientists, Mr Trump is yet to be convinced
However, on hearing the news that the new technology was ready to use, President Trump immediately called a press conference where he claimed that he would find the plant and ‘bomb its ass off’ – an American term, meaning that he is considering using military force in order to destroy the plant.
“There is no such thing as global warming and therefore there is no need for a machine that can solve it,” the President told a gathering of reporters today.
“This is a blatant attempt by the Russians, the Mexicans and some other bad foreign people to take away the jobs of our coal men. And coal women, of course. I will find this factory and bomb its ass off. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll bomb its balls off.”
After listening to the President’s speech, Dr Eccles was overheard asking if anyone knew the whereabouts of his friends, Smith and Weston.