Researchers have uncovered the earliest known evidence of cannabis use, from tombs in China.
Curiously the tombs were also on the site of one of the earliest known sites for the Beijing Conservative Club
The study suggests cannabis was being smoked at least 2,500 years ago, and that it may have been associated with ritual or religious activities.
and extensive austerity programmes, designed to hit the poorest in society.
The former Chairman of the 1922 Committee is Sir Graham Brady
“What an amazing discovery. It’s reassuring to know that our leading forebearers of the Conservative cause, were out of their trolleys on cannabis and only goes to show how ‘in touch’ our current leadership candidates are with the very fundamentals of our ideology”
Environment Secretary and leadership contender Michael Gove has recently admitted to taking cocaine
“Well that gets all the cannabis users off the hook”, he complained, “It may not surprise you to learn that I’ve got a team of researchers and archaeologists, in Columbia, working on the site of an Inca Conservative Club. We are hoping to find traces of crack, in order to fully align my political compass with the very origins of conservatism. I’m just hoping they come up with the goods before the televised debates next week”
The cannabis had high levels of the psychoactive compound THC, suggesting people at the time were well aware of its effects.
“It seems Conservatives were indulging in psychoactive substances, right from their very inception and are still continuing that tradition today”, stated Nicole Boivin, director at the Max Planck Institute for the Science of Human History, “It also goes a long way to explaining how the crazy ideas that are at the very base of conservatism could’ve been fuelled by a chemically altered states. No normal mind would come up with this stuff. Would it?
In addition, tests on human bones from the cemetery show that some of the people here did not grow up locally.
“The evidence seems to point to the Conservative Party of Beijing, attempting to address immigration issues even then”, Ms Boivin went on to add, “It’s either that or a side-effect of a particularly bloody leadership contest.”
Dominic Raab is currently still in the race for leader of the Conservative party
“I understand China is a large country, quite a long way away. I’m told they speak a different language. I’m also led to believe their food is quite appealing, to the western palette. I have a black belt in karate.”