China Lands on Dark Side of the Moon – finds nothing but progressive rock.

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China says it has successfully landed a spacecraft on the far side of the Moon, the first ever such attempt and landing.

The so-called ‘dark’ side of the moon is a vast, desolate, communications black spot – making it ideally suited to a mission from China.

Having built the only man-made structure that can be seen from space there is a certain irony to the fact that the Chinese have landed on the one part of the moon where they can’t actually enjoy the view.

The Chang’e-4 probe has already sent back its first pictures from the surface, which were shared by state media.

The images show a type of rock which geologists call ‘progressive’ – its complex structures take a very long time to produce but the end result is still somehow bland and uninteresting.

Meanwhile, British DIY expert and conspiracy theorist Nick Knowles claims the China landing is fake and that he “sees rocks like that all the time when converting internal garages into lovely little kitchen-diners.”

The moon’s far side has a thicker, older crust that is pocked with more craters.

Very much like Nick Knowles’ face.

Because of a phenomenon called “tidal locking”, we see only one face of the Moon from Earth.

Most successful politicians are also “tidal locked” in this manner.

The far side landing has already been heralded by experts at Nasa as “a first for humanity and an impressive accomplishment”.

However, US President Donald Trump appeared less impressed by the achievements of the rival superpower. He tweeted: “Boring news. Not exactly rocket science is it?”

Chris Ballard

Written By: Chris Ballard

Chris has literally months of experience as a comedy writer. He has had sketch and oneliner credits on BBC’s Newsjack, is a certified writer on Comedywire and has written over 100 articles for various satire sites. He lives in Kent where he is cared for by his wife and two children. One day his wife will laugh at something he has written.
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