China grows cotton on the moon. Lunar Nike factory opening soon.

Science and Tech
China grows cotton on the moon. Lunar Nike factory opening soon

Cotton seeds taken up to the Moon by China’s Chang’e-4 mission have sprouted.

Some might question the value of growing cotton hundreds of thousands of miles away. However, it does mean that reasonably priced clothing will be easier to reach than the one decent jumper hidden in the chaos of TX Maxx.

It marks the first time any biological matter has grown on the Moon.

Neil Armstrong disagrees – he definitely remembers growing a significant amount of organic matter in his pants when he first stepped on the terrifyingly unknown lunar surface.

The ability to grow plants such as cotton on the Moon will be integral for long-term space missions.

That’s the official explanation anyway. It actually means China can bid for lucrative manufacturing contracts and address overpopulation concerns in one fell swoop.

A Nike spokesman said “Rest assured our lunar factory won’t be a sweatshop – it’s freezing in the vacuum of space so nobody’s gonna be doing any sweating at all.

“In fact with gravity so weak children as young as three will be able to conduct the work without too much difficulty.”

Meanwhile, Pink Floyd have threatened legal action if China starts producing Dark Side of the Moon t-shirts.

In addition to cotton the Chinese Moon lander was also carrying potato seeds, yeast and fruit fly eggs.

Which opens up another source of revenue for the Chinese government – catering in NHS canteens.

Plants have been grown on the International Space Station before but never on the Moon.

That’s because people actually live on the space station and so ways to get high have been developed as a matter of priority.

A leading astronomer said, “I think there’s certainly a great deal of interest in using the Moon as staging post, particularly for flights to Mars, because it’s relatively near the Earth.”

We’ve all been there – we embark upon a long car journey only to stop in the very first motorway services for a loo break…and a Costa…and a Burger King…and a quick go in the arcade.

Because by God, there’s a long, boring journey ahead and we’ve already smoked all the pot.

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