Chancellor outlines £25bn road upgrades in preparation for Mad Max style Brexit

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Chancellor outlines £25bn road upgrades in preparation for Mad Max style Brexit

Sajid Javid has unveiled a new package of road upgrades at the Conservative party conference.

The current state of the A66 doesn’t allow for the high speed armoured vehicle chase which will be necessary in order to snatch food and weapons from your neighbouring warrior clan after October 31st.

The chancellor used his conference speech to announce extra funding for towns and rural areas across England.

He has advised this money be spent on revitalising the steelworks industry to craft the ultimate truck of destruction.

The first roads which are set to benefit from improvement fund are the A66 Trans-Pennine expressway, the A46 Newark bypass, the M60 Simister Island interchange in Manchester and the A428.

Sajid has measured out each of these roads and declared them not wide enough for his badass car of death and anger.

£30m will also go towards buses to “improve existing routes and restore lost services”.

“Lost services” refers to the collapsed civilsation we all knew prior to the tory henchmen rounding us up and keeping us captive for our blood.

Cornwall is set to have the first “superbus network” which will to link up various different services and unite the existing fragmented system.

Since Cornwall will lose EU funding Sajid wants to ensure it doesn’t become an abandoned outpost turned bunker for rebels.

The chancellor said “This Government is going to build Britain’s future, and bring in a new infrastructure revolution.”

The new infrastructure will look much like the current set-up only with less water and petrol. Sajid continued,  “Immortan Boris keeps asking for more women to procreate with, so little has actually changed in the day-to-day workings of parliament.”

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