Census no longer required as Facebook already has all the data on us anybody could ever need

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Census no longer required as Facebook already has all the data on us anybody could ever need

The UK’s national statistician has revealed that the 2021 census could be the last one ever to be carried out,.

This one is probably going to be the last one as the government’s data harvesting techniques pale into comparison to those of Facebook.

Censuses have been conducted for nearly 200 years, providing valuable population information to help councils and the government plan services.

Prof Sir Ian Diamond said he was “hopeful” data from other sources could replace it.

Facebook already knows our names, ages, significant others, has pictures of our kids, our families, stuff we like and even the dodgy personal photos that you’re ABSOLUTELY SURE was not in a public folder on your computer so how the hell did they get it!?

They know what we like to eat, our interests, the jobs we have, the jobs we’d love to have, our sexual peccadilloes and exactly where and when we poo.

The last one is easy because it’s when we all use Facebook the most.

The UK no longer needs an archaic paper-based system where you fill in questions about yourself that most facial recognition cameras could easily figure out as you walk down the street to your three-bedroom semi with a broken fence and that faded crisp packet lying in the garden that wasn’t yours but ‘you’ll sort out when you get a minute and it’s not as cold outside’.”

Facebook did not say, “We have all the data mentioned previously and more. We know more about you than you.

“And certainly more than your significant other, so you’d better buy that shit off the customised ads in your feed or else!”

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