Gatwick airport is introducing a fleet of valet-parking robots – aimed at cutting hassle for travellers, while also squeezing a…
The boat contained six life jackets, personal possessions and a milk carton cut to be used to bail out water. Presumably it was the milk carton that gave the dinghy a tactical edge over a 1700 tonne gunship armed with machine guns and a fifty-strong crew that had been deployed specifically to tackle the ‘migrant crisis’.
Ryanair also won in 2014. Against tough competition from Malaysia Airlines, who still have no idea what happened to Flight MH370 and all its passengers. It was a close call, with Malaysia Airlines only losing out after Ryanair’s lawyers pointed out that the route from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing is 414km over the definition of a short-haul flight.
The Southern 1514 Victoria to Brighton service which departed on 7th July 2001 and which has been stuck on a siding ever since. The problem is believed to be a loose carriage window that refuses to remain closed. Passengers’ relatives have been assured that the engineers have been called and the issue is expected to be resolved shortly.
The human organ had been used as a prop in the music video for ‘You Said Our Love was First Class, So Why’s My Heart Always Riding In Coach’. Darnella Dimple explains: “We borrowed an actual heart to use as a metaphor for a real heart, we just forgot to take it back. Oh, and our drummer forgot his sticks too”.
The ETIAS (European Travel Information and Authorization System) is expected to come into force in 2021. By which point most Britons will be too heavily engaged in fighting with friends and families over the last tin of mushy peas in the local convenience store and struggling to remember what electricity used to be like to take advantage of what is actually pretty good value for money.
All the government needs to do is privatise the Brexit process, and hand the contract to Southern Rail – who’ve been expertly cancelling anything and everything in sight for years. The franchise’s commuters, who are increasingly taking both a tent and canned goods on their trips to work, have unanimously backed the suggestion – insisting that Southern Rail really are experts in such matters.
According to the airport operators association, long queues at UK border control ‘deter tourists’. As does the weather, the food,…