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China Lands on Dark Side of the Moon – finds nothing but progressive rock.

January 3, 2019

The so-called ‘dark’ side of the moon is a vast, desolate, communications black spot – making it ideally suited to a mission from China. Having built the only man-made structure that can be seen from space there is a certain irony to the fact that the Chinese have landed on the one part of the moon where they can’t actually enjoy the view.

‘No-Boats’ ferry contract because “we’ll all need to muck in” post-Brexit. Also plans to retrain the SAS to pick fruit, and retrain supermarket workers to replace the SAS.

January 3, 2019

Grayling explained his decisions were all part of the government’s no-deal Brexit planning strategy. “Our policy is based on the theory of Total Football made famous by Holland in the 1970s, and they nearly won the World Cup. Everyone has to be prepared chip in and fill the gaps.”

Abbatoir Membership

David Cameron’s commons pass has expired. Unlike his continuing membership at the local abattoir.

January 2, 2019

Cameron’s team may have accidentally let his commons pass expire, but they’re still in his good books – because they’ve managed to ensure his membership at the local abattoir has stayed in good standing. He treats that place like a library. Pops in when the missus is away, sees if there is something he’d like to dive into, takes it home, ploughs through it and then returns it. And then repeat ad-nauseum. Emphasis on the nauseum.