They must also have the ability to eat a Duchy biscuit without grimacing, or spitting it out – because the Prince is highly sensitive to any criticism of his famously bland yet staggeringly expensive oatcakes.
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Guidance from leading paediatricians says that there is little evidence screen use for children is harmful in itself. “Our iPad is an invaluable parenting tool. I say ‘tool’ but my son Stanley actually calls the tablet Daddy and says ‘Darren’s on charge’ whenever I’m in bed – which thanks to ‘Daddy’ is far more than it used to be!”
Although we should point out that he will not technically be Pope until 11pm on March 29th when red, white and blue smoke will be seen rising from the chapel of the European Research Group. At this point, UK Catholic Churches will no longer be allowed to report to an authority in Europe and will be expected to switch their faith to Brexit.
Despite being ‘on-loan’ to the DUP and having a poor track record in Europe, some life-long die-hard Tory fans admire their gaffer’s ultra-defensive strategy of ‘never capitulating from an opinion, even in the face of an overwhelming attack to the contrary’, and also claiming: ‘she trains well, you’ll never see Theresa sat on the floor of a carriage.’
The Southern 1514 Victoria to Brighton service which departed on 7th July 2001 and which has been stuck on a siding ever since. The problem is believed to be a loose carriage window that refuses to remain closed. Passengers’ relatives have been assured that the engineers have been called and the issue is expected to be resolved shortly.
The so-called ‘dark’ side of the moon is a vast, desolate, communications black spot – making it ideally suited to a mission from China. Having built the only man-made structure that can be seen from space there is a certain irony to the fact that the Chinese have landed on the one part of the moon where they can’t actually enjoy the view.
The biggest selling physical CD of the year was That’s What I Call Music 101! Which sounds like a beginner’s course in the popular Various Artists compilations. Shrinking shelf space in supermarkets contributed to the slowdown. That, and there’s less tall people to ask you to get the CDs off the higher shelves.
Cameron’s team may have accidentally let his commons pass expire, but they’re still in his good books – because they’ve managed to ensure his membership at the local abattoir has stayed in good standing. He treats that place like a library. Pops in when the missus is away, sees if there is something he’d like to dive into, takes it home, ploughs through it and then returns it. And then repeat ad-nauseum. Emphasis on the nauseum.