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Britain First to patrol British beaches with Dettol to stop foreign Coronavirus invading the country.

January 25, 2020

Health Secretary Matt Hancock has said that the risk of the Chinese Coronavirus entering the UK ‘remains low’. Fascist political organisation Britain First have ignored these reports, and said they are not taking any chances with a ‘foreign’ virus entering the country. Members of the party have been patrolling the coastlines of the country, armed with dettol wipes, spray bottles of cif, and water pistols full of Cillit bang.

'Fuck the planet' say Coca Cola

‘Fuck the planet’ say Coca Cola

January 22, 2020

Coca Cola will not ditch single use plastics. The firm’s head of sustainability, Bea Perez said, ‘Fuck the planet.’ She acknowledged that polar ice caps melting and bush fires in Australia are ‘inconvenient’ but said she couldn’t see how they are ‘worse than having a bottle without a screw top lid.’

'Australian points style system is definitely the fairest' say Aborigines

‘Australian points style system is definitely the fairest’ say Aborigines

January 21, 2020

The government says it will introduce an Australian-style points-based system by January 2021 to make immigration rules ‘more equal’. The system has been endorsed by Aboriginal tribes from Australia who described as ‘definitely the fairest way.’ One Aboriginal leader told reporters he initially had ‘reservations’ about the Australian system. But then a white man with money and power explained to him that ‘things are better this way’ and the system suddenly ‘made sense.’

Unemployment figures rise again as London Firm announce two more job losses

Unemployment figures rise again as London Firm announce two more job losses.

January 20, 2020

No worries though for Diamond Geezer Harry Boy he’s already pimp..er touting his wife to Disney for voice overs of reboots of The Non-Aristocats..The Prince and The Pauper, plus the one all Hollywood is talking about the blockbuster of a movie made at a staggering cost of £2.4million… The Princess and The Frog-more Cottage.