John Bercow has said that he would stop Boris Johnson from breaking the law if he tried. “If he tried to break the law, I would, in layman’s terms, kick the utter shit out of him.”
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Tommy Robinson release ‘will revitalise UK dairy industry’ say farmers
September 14, 2019The former EDL Leader was hit by milkshakes twice in two days while on the campaign trail in the north of England. “They were halcyon days, they were” said Farmers’ spokesperson, Roy Buttercup.
Boris Johnson to build a bridge from Scotland to Ireland with bones of the post-Brexit dead.
September 13, 2019He believes that those who will perish due to medicine and food shortages will be honoured, as their bones are laid end to end in a giant skeletal overpass.
Concept of “Needing Food” dismissed as “Remoaner scaremongering” as Brexiteers call for adoption of WTO dieting
September 13, 2019“To even suggest the human body just ‘stops’ working without food is just the latest in an increasingly desperate series of lies foisted on the Great British public. And for what? I’ll tell you what. So a group of un-elected bureaucrats in Brussels can cling to the idea that food easily gaining entry in the UK without punishingly inefficient border checks is somehow a good idea.”
Scammer tricked grandmother, aged 93, into proroguing Parliament
September 12, 2019A distraught grandmother has revealed how a callous scammer tricked her into proroguing Parliament.
‘Taxi for Farage’: Nigel heads back ‘under the rock’ as even friendless Boris rejects him
September 12, 2019A disappointed Nigel Farage was left to book an Uber for one, back to ‘under the rock’ after even Boris…
Queen facing six months to a year, for unlawfully suspending her Parliament
September 12, 2019The recent five week suspension of the UK Parliament is unlawful, Scotland’s highest civil court has ruled. And as the final endorser of the Government’s prorogation proposal, Her Majesty could be looking at a custodial sentence, once someone clever works out what laws have been broken, by whom and what the sentencing guidance should be.
Man who spent £30,000 to fight £100 speeding ticket “definitely voted leave” says world.
September 11, 2019A man claims he spent £30,000 of life savings to fight a £100 speeding fine. It is believed that every human being who read the story, rolled their eyes and muttered ‘This guy definitely voted to leave’.
Theresa May awards knighthood to Peter Sutcliffe for services to the haulage industry
September 11, 2019Following the surprise nomination of ex-cricketer and domestic violence connoisseur, Geoffrey Boycott, for a knighthood – former PM, Theresa May, has finally recognised multiple murderer Peter Sutcliffe’s contribution to the haulage industry.
Boris Johnson to replace John Bercow with sentry gun that automatically shoots any MPs who question him
September 10, 2019John Bercow says he will stand down as Commons Speaker and MP at the next election or on 31 October, whichever comes first. Boris Johnson has responded to the news with the announcement that the traditional position of Speaker of the House will be abolished, and that the post is to be replaced with a sentry gun.
