Prime Minister Boris Johnson and his fiancee Carrie Symonds have announced the birth of a son. And the first senior Tory to public congratulate them was Priti Patel. The Wicked Witch of the Home Office extended said the birth of ‘his seventeentytooth child’ must be a proud moment for the PM.
Popular Right Now
“Bring back National Service” says man far too old to be affected
April 28, 2020Historian Sir Hew Strachan has called for National Service to be re-introduced in a special MoD Commissioned Report. The professor argues that reintroducing National Service will provide a much-needed connection between the military and the general public, especially as he is now too old to be considered himself and has enjoyed an entire adult life without fear of being conscripted.
Boris ‘raring to go’ on Monday. UK says it ‘looks forward’ to him leaving too.
April 26, 2020Boris Johnson has said that he is now sufficiently recovered from Covid-19 and ‘raring to go’ on Monday. The UK has welcomed the news and said it looks forward to him going on Monday.
We’re Going On A Beer Hunt
April 25, 2020We’re going on a Beer Hunt its going to be a long one It’s going to be a great day..…
Treasury tells Branson he can have back ‘every penny of tax paid in the last 14 years’
April 21, 2020Sir Richard Branson has warned that airline Virgin Atlantic needs government support to survive. In response the Treasury have offered him back ‘every single penny that he has paid in UK tax for the past 14 years.’
Nigel Farage loses his shit as govt consider mandatory wearing of hijabs in public
April 19, 2020Despite pressure from some quarters the government have so far refrained from announcing face masks as compulsory wear in public spaces. But at a Cobra meeting yesterday the cabinet considered a move to announce the hijab as mandatory for everybody while outside.
Government holds raffle exclusively for NHS workers with PPE uniform as 1st prize
April 17, 2020Starting in May, a monthly raffle will be held exclusively for doctors and nurses. The first prize is going to be a complete body kit of Personal Protection Equipment (PPE).
‘Please come back’ vans sent to Eastern Europe
April 16, 2020The Home Office is sending ‘Please come back’ van’s to Eastern Europe to encourage workers to pick UK crops.
“It’s because I’m a cunt” says Trump, explaining WHO exit
April 15, 2020Donald Trump has instructed his administration to halt funding to the World Health Organization (WHO). Because he’s a complete cunt.
Priti Patel warns that lockdown could last until Augustober the 39th
April 14, 2020Pausing briefly to order nine twelve forty cups of coffee, the home secretary advised it was crucial people remained in their homes apart from essential shopping and their allotted 60 hours of hourly exercise.
