The Royals

Digger driver ploughs through hotel and causes £500,000 of damage. Seriously Philip – you need to just hand in that licence and stop…!

January 23, 2019

Video footage of the vehicle rampaging through the newly built Travelodge in Liverpool has gone viral. It’s been estimated that up to £500,000 worth of damage was caused. “Half a mill? That’s outrageous,” spluttered the astonished prince. “The women in the last smash up just asked for a bunch of flowers and an apology. I didn’t give it to them of course.”

Prince Philip car crash latest: Revealed as new presenter of ‘Top Gear’

January 22, 2019

The victim of the car crash that saw Prince Philip overturn his Land Rover has suggested he should be prosecuted. Instead the BBC have taken the rather obvious step of making him the lead presenter of ‘Top Gear’. Creakingly old, inherently bigoted and being entirely funded by the public, this cheap reversal gag could apply to either the Queen’s husband or Top Gear.

Prince Philip absent from Christmas Day service. Confirming rumours he can’t enter a church without catching fire.

December 26, 2018

There was also no sign of the rumoured discord between Kate and Meghan, although there have been unconfirmed reports from staff at Sandringham that there was the ‘mother of all festive bitch-fights’ in a drawing room within hours of the service, proving that maybe the Royals are just like the rest of us when it comes to the annual festive punch-up – fuelled by gin and a year of bitterness.