Britain woke this morning to the agonising news that Prince Harry and Meghan MIGHT NOT spend Christmas at Sandringham with the queen.
The Royals
Baby Archie “Crawling like Nicholas Witchell” say Harry and Meghan
November 8, 2019“Archie’s not crawling in the normal baby sense of the word. He’s crawling like that ginger fellow does, the royal correspondent for the BBC … you know, the one… that chappie Granddaddikins can’t abide, Nicholas Witchell.” said Harry
Prince Harry Going Bonkers Is Ruse to Divert Media Attention from Prince Andrew Going Bonking
October 26, 2019Conspiracy theorists have claimed that while the world watches Prince Harry bleating on TV about how tough it is to be a royal, the media’s eye is drawn away from the shenanigans of his uncle, Prince Andrew.
FINALLY flying solo in Japan, Charles squeezes long-awaited gap-year into 2 days
October 23, 2019The Prince of Wales has visited Japan for 2 days; his wife Camilla however, has not joined him. This has meant that Prince Charles is travelling solo, and as such is finally having a long awaited ‘gap year’ to get absolutely wrecked. The Prince will only have this freedom for 2 days, and is doing everything he can to cram the solo travelling experience into it.
Meghan Warned Not to Marry Prince Harry – The Risk of Ginger Kids Too High
October 22, 2019“My close friends were very direct with me,” said Meghan, smiling but with a little tear glistening in the corner of her right eye (she was only trained at drama school to cry out of that one), “Don’t marry him. Think of the consequences.”
“I just couldn’t be arsed” says Queen, explaining lack of crown.
October 15, 2019The Queen delivered a speech for the State Opening of Parliament. She was wearing full ceremonial dress but was missing the State Crown.
Queen’s Speech to be broadcast post-watershed, due to strong language and multiple uses of ‘shit-show’
October 14, 2019Sources inside the palace expect her speech will contain ‘a royal fuckton’ of heated profanity, mainly directed towards Parliament and the state of Brexit.
Queens dares PM to play ‘chicken’ in front of the London to Edinburgh express
October 7, 2019Boris Johnson will dare the Queen to sack him rather than resign as prime minister in an attempt to drive through Brexit on October 31, cabinet ministers have revealed. In return, her Majesty will double dare the PM to ‘play chicken’ in front of the London to Edinburgh Express as the constitutional crisis escalates into a bout of playground pranks.
After asking aides how one may dispose of a PM, Queen invites Boris to unrelated meeting at Tower of London
September 30, 2019She told the Prime Minister she would be there all day tomorrow as she had ‘nothing going on’, but that he would be there a while, so should cancel any plans he had for the rest of the day, and up till about October 31st.
The Queen “Sick of everyone bitching behind her back” says aide.
September 26, 2019The Palace has stayed silent in the wake of the Supreme Court ruling. The Queen tweeted last night “Who can blame me for wanting to hide away with a large bottle of Strawberry Lambrini and my monthly subscription to Horse and Hound?”
