The Royals

'Opt-Out' Organ Donation bill gets Royal Assent - as Charles launches new Duchy Originals Organic Organs range

‘Opt-Out’ Organ Donation bill gets Royal Assent – as Charles launches new Duchy Originals Organic Organs range.

March 16, 2019

A maid at Highgrove House confirmed that she had indeed donated one of her kidneys to the Prince’s new venture “As Charlie said, who needs two kidneys? I mean, he does because he’s going to be King, but generally most people don’t need both. I am proud to have certified organic organs. If the day comes that Prince Philip finally gets me with his car, I hope the rest of me goes to a good home.”

Prince Charles Says Yoga Will Save NHS, And That Tidying Up With Marie Kondo Will Solve The Housing Crisis

Prince Charles Says Yoga Will Save NHS, And That “Tidying Up With Marie Kondo” Will Solve The Housing Crisis

February 18, 2019

Charles explained that yoga classes had “tremendous social benefits” and that they built “discipline, self-reliance and self-care” which would reduce peoples need for treatment… and that, once people have built up their discipline and self-reliance they would be ready to tackle Marie Kondo’s de-cluttering techniques. Which, if applied correctly will increase the space in British homes to such and extent that we wont need to build anymore!

Prince Philip voluntarily gives up driving licence. Will be flying everywhere in a spitfire from now on

Prince Philip voluntarily gives up driving licence. Will be flying everywhere in a spitfire from now on.

February 10, 2019

“The interfering bastards can’t complain about that, surely,” said the Duke, “No emergency stops in the air, eh?” The Duke continued, “I like to do aerobatics, especially low level loops above King’s Lynn’s schools and hospitals. With 200 gallons of fuel on board and a few stiff drinks inside me to steady my nerves, what could possibly go wrong?”.

Brussels insists Meghan's 'Bendy Thumbs' must be kept straight until after the 29th March

Brussels insists Meghan’s ‘Bendy Thumbs’ must be kept straight until after the 29th March

February 9, 2019

Midwifery experts have revealed that the Duchess of Sussex may have Hyper-mobility Syndrome (loosened ligaments), which could mean a shorter pregnancy. But a statement from Brussels states that until midnight on the 29th of March, the UK must adhere to strict EU regulations, and Her Royal Highness must ensure that until then, her thumbs remain as naturally straight as possible.

Meghan uses bananas to deliver empowering messages to sex workers. Tony Blair uses them to deliver begging letters to the political elite asking to be let back in.

February 4, 2019

The ex-PM’’s messages all say ‘Love Tony’ with smiley faces as the ‘o’s and range from everyday chit-chat, like: “Let’s do fairtrade coffee!”, “Snapchat me!” and “I like what you’ve done with your hair”, to messages with overtly political themes: “Jeremy’s an idiot!”, “I was acting on information” and “I can do a bloomin’ good Maybot”.