In a statement The Queen said, ‘Henceforth, the talented and handsome Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, second heir to the throne, dedicated air ambulance pilot and all round top bloke, will be known as “Favourite Grandson” and will be entitled to wealth and riches worthy of someone who isn’t a turncoat and a traitor to his royal roots.’
The Royals
Queen misses annual WI meeting as she ‘can’t be arsed’
January 24, 2020The Queen has missed her annual date with her local Women’s Institute. The monarch sent a message to the WI Whatsapp group saying she ‘couldn’t be arsed’ this year.
Mail on Sunday forks out £500,000 for Big Ben Megxit Celebration
January 21, 2020The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are to step back from Royal duties with almost immediate effect In reaction, the weekend children’s publication, ‘The Mail on Sunday’ has immediately thrown in £500,000 to the restoration program of Big Ben in order that its readers can celebrate Megxit in style, with a full round of the Westminster Chimes to coincide with the moment The Duke of Sussex’s plane touching down in Canada.
Harry changes Prince part of his name to a weird symbol
January 21, 2020Buckingham Palace has announced that Prince Harry and Meghan will no longer use their HRH titles nor receive public funds for royal duties. Harry has replaced the word ‘Prince’ with just some weird symbol.
Unemployment figures rise again as London Firm announce two more job losses.
January 20, 2020No worries though for Diamond Geezer Harry Boy he’s already pimp..er touting his wife to Disney for voice overs of reboots of The Non-Aristocats..The Prince and The Pauper, plus the one all Hollywood is talking about the blockbuster of a movie made at a staggering cost of £2.4million… The Princess and The Frog-more Cottage.
“It’s standard protocol to hang files from thin pieces of string over flaming garbage cans” explain Police Chief who blocked Prince Andrew investigations.
January 20, 2020UK police have blocked a legal bid to trace Prince Andrew’s bodyguards’ movements on the night he allegedly had sex with an underage girl. The police have defended accusations of being ‘lazy’ or even covering up for the Prince, by stating that it is standard protocol to hang all sensitive documents by a thin piece of string over a garbage can fire.
Tabloid press refuse to report on Thomas Markle interview as they ‘don’t deal in gossip’
January 20, 2020Mr Markle was interviewed by Channel 5. And, despite his advisers offering to speak to gutter journalists, vermin or even Piers Morgan, the tabloids have insisted that they will not be party to ‘trashy journalism that puts sensationalism above truth.’
Harry loses HRH after royal game of Scrabble goes to shit
January 19, 2020Prince Harry has lost his HRH. After a royal game of Scrabble went to absolute shit. Harry will no longer formally represent The Queen. The monarch was said to be ‘disappointed’ after Harry failed to make use of his last three letters – U, N and T’ when a C was ‘blatantly available’.
Royal split has been “inevitable” ever since William pinned Harry down and farted on his face
January 14, 2020The Duke of Sussex and the Duke of Cambridge have denied claims that their relationship was damaged by bullying. With both brothers stating it was damaged because the other one ‘picks his bum and eats it.’
The Palace launches new commemorative plates for ‘The Arsehole formerly known as Prince.’
January 14, 2020The ‘hate plate’, available to staunch monarchists and daily mail readers, will commemorate the previous incarnation of Prince Harry; one who loved his family and wasn’t a ‘traitorous whelp’.
