This marks the first-time members of the Royal family have visited Cuba in an official capacity. As well as the first time they’ve entered a country and not immediately attempted to invade it. Which they could have tried, as there was two of them.
The Royals
‘Opt-Out’ Organ Donation bill gets Royal Assent – as Charles launches new Duchy Originals Organic Organs range.
March 16, 2019A maid at Highgrove House confirmed that she had indeed donated one of her kidneys to the Prince’s new venture “As Charlie said, who needs two kidneys? I mean, he does because he’s going to be King, but generally most people don’t need both. I am proud to have certified organic organs. If the day comes that Prince Philip finally gets me with his car, I hope the rest of me goes to a good home.”
Prince Charles Says Yoga Will Save NHS, And That “Tidying Up With Marie Kondo” Will Solve The Housing Crisis
February 18, 2019Charles explained that yoga classes had “tremendous social benefits” and that they built “discipline, self-reliance and self-care” which would reduce peoples need for treatment… and that, once people have built up their discipline and self-reliance they would be ready to tackle Marie Kondo’s de-cluttering techniques. Which, if applied correctly will increase the space in British homes to such and extent that we wont need to build anymore!
Hampshire Council blames ‘Prince Philip Death Notice’ on an internal error. “The assassin called in sick, but HR forgot to update the system”.
February 16, 2019The council apologised for the blunder, declaring it would be investigating the “highly unusual and regrettable occurrence”. The council has a history of highly unusual and regrettable occurrences. Because it’s a council.
No charges over car crash. But here are 8 more things Prince Philip still could – and should – be prosecuted for.
February 15, 2019The Crown Prosecution Service has decided that Prince Philip, 97, will not be facing prosecution over his crash near the Sandringham estate that left one woman with a broken wrist. They haven’t, however, closed all of the Duke of Edinburgh’s case files just yet. Here are 8 things Prince Phillip still could – and should – be arrested for.
Prince Philip voluntarily gives up driving licence. Will be flying everywhere in a spitfire from now on.
February 10, 2019“The interfering bastards can’t complain about that, surely,” said the Duke, “No emergency stops in the air, eh?” The Duke continued, “I like to do aerobatics, especially low level loops above King’s Lynn’s schools and hospitals. With 200 gallons of fuel on board and a few stiff drinks inside me to steady my nerves, what could possibly go wrong?”.
Brussels insists Meghan’s ‘Bendy Thumbs’ must be kept straight until after the 29th March
February 9, 2019Midwifery experts have revealed that the Duchess of Sussex may have Hyper-mobility Syndrome (loosened ligaments), which could mean a shorter pregnancy. But a statement from Brussels states that until midnight on the 29th of March, the UK must adhere to strict EU regulations, and Her Royal Highness must ensure that until then, her thumbs remain as naturally straight as possible.
Meghan Markle not pregnant with twins. Or even a baby. But with the final Brexit deal.
February 8, 2019There are however rumours that Harry isn’t actually the father – and that he’s been cuckolded by the modern politics and diplomacy section of the UCL library.
Meghan uses bananas to deliver empowering messages to sex workers. Tony Blair uses them to deliver begging letters to the political elite asking to be let back in.
February 4, 2019The ex-PM’’s messages all say ‘Love Tony’ with smiley faces as the ‘o’s and range from everyday chit-chat, like: “Let’s do fairtrade coffee!”, “Snapchat me!” and “I like what you’ve done with your hair”, to messages with overtly political themes: “Jeremy’s an idiot!”, “I was acting on information” and “I can do a bloomin’ good Maybot”.
Prince Philip has said he is ‘deeply sorry’ to the woman who was injured in car crash. In a letter that also included his bill for her to pay £70,000 for his replacement Land Rover.
January 27, 2019The Duke of Edinburgh has written to apologise for his role in a car crash in which a woman broke…
