‘There’s been too much namby pamby pi*sing about for my liking. I didn’t haul Everton out of the regulation quagmire by having a series of indicative votes or by asking for the season to be extended so I could get Phil Jagielka to support my way of doing things. I did it by hoofing the ball up to a big target man and getting stuck in. These fancy dan foreigners don’t like it up ‘em. Arsene Wenger didn’t like it and neither will Barnier or Juncker’.
It’s the first time Sterling has performed well in Europe since June 2016 and the Schalke players had to admit they hadn’t seen it coming. ‘We’re so used to seeing Theresa May walking around like a drunk velociraptor, leaving behind a trail of destruction.’ Said Nabil Bentaleb.’ This organised and consistent approach just took us by surprise.’
Fulham’s Ben Davis has missed his mandatory national service in Singapore and could face prison. The 18-year-old signed for the Premier League club on a two-year deal in July but his government denied his application to defer his duties. Davis, who has appeared for Fulham’s Under-18s 10 times, has been called up by the Singapore team but is yet to make an appearance. And why would he? The minute he turns up hell be sent to army training camp or jail. It’s like telling a sprat if he doesn’t jump in the net the fisherman will come after him.
Mourinho is the latest high-profile person in the football world to find himself facing tax-evasion charges in Spain. The news has been welcomed by the Premier League. In a statement they said ‘This is great news for English football. Our governments weak stance on taxing the wealthy can only help to attract the best players.’