Tennis fans have accused Meghan Markle of jinxing Serena Williams last night as she watched the tennis star lose. Liverpool’s John Henry has now struck a deal with Markle to make sure she’s at every Man City game this season.
Leaked documents found in captain Joe Root’s helmet reveal that Boris Johnson had encouraged the England team to “valiantly defend their wicket in the manner of the Romans at the battle of Cannae”. We asked a Classics Professor what the heck Johnson was waffling on about and he said “basically the Romans got the shit kicked out of them at Cannae”.
It has been revealed that this collapse was under the express orders of Prime Minister Boris Johnson so that the United Kingdom can secure a more favourable trade deal with Australia after Brexit.
Chelsea conducted an investigation and said they had delayed reaching their decision so as not to prejudice a police inquiry into the matter. But the UKIP leader, who cannot be named for the reason that nobody can remember who he is, said the news had come at the ‘ideal time’ for the party as their previous advisor, Tommy Robinson, is currently a Her Majesty’s pleasure – and at the pleasure of Big Dave on B Wing.