Sport

Sam Allardyce to take over as caretaker Prime Minister

Sam Allardyce to take over as caretaker Prime Minister

March 25, 2019

‘There’s been too much namby pamby pi*sing about for my liking. I didn’t haul Everton out of the regulation quagmire by having a series of indicative votes or by asking for the season to be extended so I could get Phil Jagielka to support my way of doing things. I did it by hoofing the ball up to a big target man and getting stuck in. These fancy dan foreigners don’t like it up ‘em. Arsene Wenger didn’t like it and neither will Barnier or Juncker’.

Sterling performs well in Europe for first time since 2016. Man City Boss Pep Guardiola invited to take over Brexit negotiations

Sterling performs well in Europe for first time since 2016. Man City Boss Pep Guardiola invited to take over Brexit negotiations.

February 21, 2019

It’s the first time Sterling has performed well in Europe since June 2016 and the Schalke players had to admit they hadn’t seen it coming. ‘We’re so used to seeing Theresa May walking around like a drunk velociraptor, leaving behind a trail of destruction.’ Said Nabil Bentaleb.’ This organised and consistent approach just took us by surprise.’

Just Giving page for Fulham player who faces jail or a $10,000 fine for missing national service. Which is fair – the poor boy would have to work a whole month to pay it himself…

February 19, 2019

Fulham’s Ben Davis has missed his mandatory national service in Singapore and could face prison. The 18-year-old signed for the Premier League club on a two-year deal in July but his government denied his application to defer his duties. Davis, who has appeared for Fulham’s Under-18s 10 times, has been called up by the Singapore team but is yet to make an appearance. And why would he? The minute he turns up hell be sent to army training camp or jail. It’s like telling a sprat if he doesn’t jump in the net the fisherman will come after him.