After years of speculation the sale of Newcastle Utd Football Club moved a step closer yesterday. Owner Mike Ashley slapped a tacky ‘Mega Value’ sticker on the club and gave it pride of place between Wrangler jeans in sizes for XL – XXXL and football shirts that are only three years out of date.
Wimbledon was cancelled yesterday, the latest summer sporting casualty of the coronavirus pandemic. But whilst fans, players and local businesses will be able to make up for it next year, the ball boys’ and girls’ once in a lifetime opportunity to be treat like shit by rich people will disappear for ever.
The Dutch, Spanish and Monaco Grands Prix have been postponed due to the coronavirus outbreak, Formula 1 bosses have announced. The news comes after consultation with the World Health Organisation who advised that ‘depressingly dull TV’ could have a negative impact on the mental health of people in isolation who need to be entertained ‘not subjected to hours of this type of shit.’
With Coronavirus now being labelled as a pandemic, many events across the World are being postponed or cancelled. It has recently come to light that this was the original plan for the virus. More specifically the virus’ purpose is believed to have been started to prevent the Scousers winning the league and stop them going on and on about it.
The World Anti-Doping Agency has voted unanimously to ban Russia from international sport for four years for doping offences. However, it is understood Russia is hoping to overturn the ban by presenting the country’s most famous sports celebrity, Ivan Drago, as a test case for how clean their athletes are.