AI has been used by mortgage lenders, insurance companies, and transportation companies to improve efficiency. So, the UK government thought they’d give it a go. But thanks to austerity and a lack of investment they were way behind the game. Initially they could only feed one phrase into what was nicknamed ‘TMPM’. Which is why ‘Brexit means Brexit’ was the answer to every question TMPM was asked in its first few weeks.
Science and Tech
Between 2010 and 2016 David Dimbleby was the only person with more appearances on Question Time than Nigel Farage. A BBC insider said that, after lambasting foreigners Farage would often remain in his seat until the studio was cleared as he had a hard-on. But he was never in discomfort for long as he’s a massive wanker.
The Department for Transport wants to see fully autonomous cars – driving with no human oversight – and cars with no steering wheels tested on UK roads by 2021. But cars without drivers will need a moral compass. And a group of self-driving cars being trialed are refusing to start their engines having learned about Global Warming. Although they did suggested they may be prepared to go on the roads if redesigned to the same specifications as one they’ve seen on a YouTube clip from “The Flintstones”.
The newspaper admitted it had made an error in confusing Melania Trump, the wife of the president of America with MekanikaDump, the robot wife of Donald Dump, two fictional characters in the upcoming comedy movie MAD (Mutually Assured Destruction). In the movie Mekanika, a sex-bot, has breasts like dials that can be set from ‘Normal’ through ‘Randy,’ ‘Horny.’ And ‘Stormy,’ to ‘Fart and Turn Over.’ The movie is a re-jig of the Dr. Strangelove theme in which Dump, with the help of shady Russian president Vladiwell Putitin, wins the US presidency, then starts a trade war with the Chinese president, Mi Hung Long.
“If anything is going to save the precious jewel in this nation’s crown (the NHS) it’ll be shit from this Conservative party!” crowed May to an assembled press pack. “Unlike Labour, we have both quantity and quality of shit here in the Tory Party. Jacob Rees-Mogg, Iain Duncan Smith, Boris Johnson, etc. – we’re awash with top quality shite!”