Gatwick airport is introducing a fleet of valet-parking robots – aimed at cutting hassle for travellers, while also squeezing a…
Science and Tech
China turns on controversial ‘gene editing’ scientist. International science community begs China to turn him off again.
January 22, 2019Many believe that scientists like Professor He shouldn’t be ‘playing God’. Although Professor He argues that as China is officially a non-religious Communist state, he was simply ‘playing China’.
Nike announces “smart” trainers that constantly adapt to your foot. Optional parental lock gives mum and dad the option to literally ground their kids.
January 18, 2019Nike are planning to roll out this technology to the other products in its range: a sports vest that becomes tighter if you simply eat more food, tennis racquets that expand to an enormous size as unreachable shots come towards you and a headband that turns into a balaclava if your smartphone gyroscope detects you’re holding a sawn-off shotgun.
Scientists announce successor to the Large Hadron Collider. Brexit-weary Brits hoping this one might do a better job of ‘accidentally’ tearing the Universe apart…
January 17, 2019CERN has published its ideas for a £20bn successor to the Large Hadron Collider, under the official name of Future Circular Collider (FCC). Which admittedly doesn’t sound half as cool as some of the codename used internally: the ‘Massive F***-Off Hadron Collider’. Or indeed the nicknames used by the team informally: Look at my ring’, ‘The Party-Cool Physics Zone’ and the ‘Look at this, Who’s The Sad Nerd Now, Bitches?’ project.
China grows cotton on the moon. Lunar Nike factory opening soon.
January 16, 2019In addition to cotton the Chinese Moon lander was also carrying potato seeds, yeast and fruit fly eggs. Which opens up another source of revenue for the Chinese government – catering in NHS canteens.
“Most innovative” women’s sex toy banned from CES 2019. Apparently a tech show is the one place it can’t slot into.
January 10, 2019The technology show has in the past displayed virtual reality porn and sex robots for men, so the inclusion of a sex toy for women is a perfectly fair concept, right? Wrong, because apparently the only thing that matters when it comes to new technology is the sexual pleasure of thirty-five year old male nerds who still live with their mums.
After Russia’s ‘most advanced robot ever’ turned out to be a man in a suit, UK man in suit turns out to be robot called Jacob Rees-Mogg. (And other CES 2019 news).
January 8, 2019Robotics company Robotemi also announced at CES 2019 that it’s bringing Alexa to its Temi robot. So, for example, someone who can’t find their glasses can say, “Alexa, go to the bedroom and check if my glasses are by the bed.” And, when found, they will then blame Alexa for having moved them.
World’s first bendy phone to be demoed at CES 2019 expo. It gets in shape so you don’t have to.
January 6, 2019Many existing apps are enhanced by the phone’s supple form. When the user opens Tinder, the FlexPai will literally bend over backwards to demonstrate positions from the Karma Sutra. Some testers reported the resulting display to be so arousing in its own right that Tinder was no longer ‘required’…whatever that means.
Dozens of new drones on display at CES technology expo. Sussex police can’t find any of them.
January 6, 2019Immediately after industry giant DJI demoed their impressive new search and rescue drone, a Sussex police sergeant stated: ‘At this point we are considering the option that there may never have been a drone at all’.
China Lands on Dark Side of the Moon – finds nothing but progressive rock.
January 3, 2019The so-called ‘dark’ side of the moon is a vast, desolate, communications black spot – making it ideally suited to a mission from China. Having built the only man-made structure that can be seen from space there is a certain irony to the fact that the Chinese have landed on the one part of the moon where they can’t actually enjoy the view.