Science and Tech

Decision on Huawei Involvement in UK 5G Delayed Until After Election So They’ll Know Who To Bribe

 Decision on Huawei running 5G in UK delayed until after election, so the Chinese know who to bribe.

November 2, 2019

An inscrutable spokesperson for the Chinese telecoms giant, Won Hung Lo, said, “We are not in the least bothered by this government’s decision to postpone. It makes sense. It hasn’t been easy dealing with the UK with all this Brexit nonsense. But we’re prepared to bide our time. Once the election is over it will be much clearer for us. We will know for certain who we have to bung.”

Fully grown man trolling Greta Thunberg celebrates 39th year of virginity in punishing isolation

Fully grown man trolling Greta Thunberg celebrates 39th year of virginity

September 26, 2019

When approached for comment about why, specifically, he hated Thunberg so much Timms asked, several times, if this correspondent could buy him a birthday drink to discuss it further. When it was revealed I was washing my hair and couldn’t attend, a dejected Timms could be heard humming happy birthday to himself while posted a wildly oscillating update claiming Thunberg “Hates men and freedom of speech and needs to shup up!”