England’s schools closed yesterday after directives from the government to protect from the coronavirus. Teachers were presented with last-minute gifts; in many cases, the only things parents could get hold of in stores with completely empty shelves
Science and Tech
Old lady advised to use pets’ names for passwords buys 73rd cat in order to access Skype
March 21, 2020Families have been advised to use on-line services to stay in touch, in particular Facetime, Whatsapp and Skype, to combat loneliness during the current coronavirus lockdown. A self-isolating, 83-year-old grandmother, who was advised by her grandson in 1999 to use the name of her pet to remember her email password, has just been forced to buy her 73rd cat, after registering for Skype.
Covid-19 emails the new GDPR emails
March 19, 2020All organisations countrywide are sending out updates on how they are affected by the Covid-19 coronavirus. These emails are so numerous they are risking becoming the new new GDPR emails.
Divine intervention as everyone stockpiling loo roll for coronavirus suddenly gets norovirus
March 10, 2020God Almighty has decided to get involved in the coronavirus debacle by inflicting norovirus on every single person who stockpiled toilet rolls because they haven’t clearly understood the symptoms of Covid-19.
Coronavirus destroyed after Donald Trump breathes on it
February 28, 2020For weeks nations across the globe have watched helplessly as the coronavirus rapidly grew in strength. But now a cure has been discovered, after a lab experiment exposed the bacteria to a sample of breath and saliva from American president Donald Trump. The virus was wiped out within seconds.
Electric car drivers avoiding parts of Wales, as extension leads won’t stretch
February 12, 2020Electric car drivers are happy driving through England but are avoiding parts of Wales. This is due to their extension leads and the fact that they, well, won’t extend that far.
Scientists describe storm selfie craze as ‘natural selection at its finest’
February 11, 2020As Storm Ciara hit the UK, people were seen risking their lives to get a storm selfie. Scientists have described the phenomenon as ‘natural selection at its finest’.
Trump blames Huawei for coronavirus
January 30, 2020The coronavirus has caused more than 100 deaths, spreading across China and reaching at least 16 other countries. American’s best president ever (™), Donald Trump, has blamed Huawei for China’s coronavirus.
US Space Force parades in Virginia
January 22, 2020Thousands of camouflaged gun owners have gathered in Richmond, Virginia in a show of armed strength. The heavily-armed, camo-clad members of gun-rights and militia groups have been federalised by President Trump to form earth’s first non-terrestrial terrestrial military unit: Space Force.
Greta Thunberg changes Twitter name to “FactCheckUK”
January 4, 2020Greta Thunberg has changed her name on Twitter, in honour of a game show contestant who appeared to have no idea who she was.
