Former prime minister Theresa May has been handed over to scientific research as part of the battle to defeat Covid-19. The selfless gesture was made by the Conservative Party as it desperately tries to actually achieve something useful in the fight against the global pandemic.
Science and Tech
Priti Patel was a collective hallucination brought on by 5G
April 11, 2020Home Secretary Priti Patel has been accused of avoiding scrutiny as she remains absent during the COVID-19 crisis. What her accusers don’t know is that Priti Patel has never been present in the physical world. She is a collective imagining brought on by 5G.
David Icke reveals that 5G killed Bambi’s mother
April 8, 2020Icke said the evidence is ‘irrefutable’ as it was given to him by his cat who received the message telepathically from ET’s second cousin once removed.
Teachers opening last-minute ‘End Of Year’ presents to find dog biscuits and own-brand cheese sauce granules.
March 22, 2020England’s schools closed yesterday after directives from the government to protect from the coronavirus. Teachers were presented with last-minute gifts; in many cases, the only things parents could get hold of in stores with completely empty shelves
Old lady advised to use pets’ names for passwords buys 73rd cat in order to access Skype
March 21, 2020Families have been advised to use on-line services to stay in touch, in particular Facetime, Whatsapp and Skype, to combat loneliness during the current coronavirus lockdown. A self-isolating, 83-year-old grandmother, who was advised by her grandson in 1999 to use the name of her pet to remember her email password, has just been forced to buy her 73rd cat, after registering for Skype.
Covid-19 emails the new GDPR emails
March 19, 2020All organisations countrywide are sending out updates on how they are affected by the Covid-19 coronavirus. These emails are so numerous they are risking becoming the new new GDPR emails.
Divine intervention as everyone stockpiling loo roll for coronavirus suddenly gets norovirus
March 10, 2020God Almighty has decided to get involved in the coronavirus debacle by inflicting norovirus on every single person who stockpiled toilet rolls because they haven’t clearly understood the symptoms of Covid-19.
Coronavirus destroyed after Donald Trump breathes on it
February 28, 2020For weeks nations across the globe have watched helplessly as the coronavirus rapidly grew in strength. But now a cure has been discovered, after a lab experiment exposed the bacteria to a sample of breath and saliva from American president Donald Trump. The virus was wiped out within seconds.
Electric car drivers avoiding parts of Wales, as extension leads won’t stretch
February 12, 2020Electric car drivers are happy driving through England but are avoiding parts of Wales. This is due to their extension leads and the fact that they, well, won’t extend that far.
Scientists describe storm selfie craze as ‘natural selection at its finest’
February 11, 2020As Storm Ciara hit the UK, people were seen risking their lives to get a storm selfie. Scientists have described the phenomenon as ‘natural selection at its finest’.
