Gatwick airport is introducing a fleet of valet-parking robots – aimed at cutting hassle for travellers, while also squeezing a…
Science and Tech
Nike are planning to roll out this technology to the other products in its range: a sports vest that becomes tighter if you simply eat more food, tennis racquets that expand to an enormous size as unreachable shots come towards you and a headband that turns into a balaclava if your smartphone gyroscope detects you’re holding a sawn-off shotgun.
CERN has published its ideas for a £20bn successor to the Large Hadron Collider, under the official name of Future Circular Collider (FCC). Which admittedly doesn’t sound half as cool as some of the codename used internally: the ‘Massive F***-Off Hadron Collider’. Or indeed the nicknames used by the team informally: Look at my ring’, ‘The Party-Cool Physics Zone’ and the ‘Look at this, Who’s The Sad Nerd Now, Bitches?’ project.
The technology show has in the past displayed virtual reality porn and sex robots for men, so the inclusion of a sex toy for women is a perfectly fair concept, right? Wrong, because apparently the only thing that matters when it comes to new technology is the sexual pleasure of thirty-five year old male nerds who still live with their mums.
Many existing apps are enhanced by the phone’s supple form. When the user opens Tinder, the FlexPai will literally bend over backwards to demonstrate positions from the Karma Sutra. Some testers reported the resulting display to be so arousing in its own right that Tinder was no longer ‘required’…whatever that means.
The so-called ‘dark’ side of the moon is a vast, desolate, communications black spot – making it ideally suited to a mission from China. Having built the only man-made structure that can be seen from space there is a certain irony to the fact that the Chinese have landed on the one part of the moon where they can’t actually enjoy the view.