Water has been discovered in the atmosphere of an enormous Earth-like planet already known to have habitable temperatures, which scientists say means it could support life. Supporting this theory is the discovery of a half-submerged, big-shop shopping trolley with its front wheels embedded in silt and its handle exposed to the elements.
Science and Tech
‘Johnny Foreigner’ Loch Ness Monster Eel to be deported following Brexit’ say Tories
September 6, 2019Juvenile eels, which have migrated 5000 kilometres from waters around the Bahamas, arrive in the Loch and lay eggs, meaning that Nessie is almost certainly a second-generation illegal immigrant.
Loch Ness Giant Eel theory more plausible than Boris getting his General Election
September 6, 2019However implausible the Eel theory may sound, statistically speaking, it is more likely to happen than a general election this October. Why? Let’s look at the evidence…
“Tech giants do not listen to private conversations”, Alexa tells unsuspecting couple
September 6, 2019Dave, who has jumped on every conspiracy theory from man not landing on the moon to Boris Johnson not being the result of a failed lobotomy on a mountain gorilla, said he was ‘shocked’ when he heard it. ‘The wife and I were just chatting about the latest research’ he said
Facebook considering removing ‘like’ function, in a return to its void-shouting origins
September 3, 2019Having a tangible record of interaction with a photo or thought goes against the sites original intention–to bring shouting into the void in to the 21st century.
“We can all eat insects in our post-apocalyptic no-deal Brexit hell” says Health Secretary Matt Hancock
September 1, 2019No need to worry about empty shelves in Sainsbury’s, we can eat processed cockroach meat instead, now isn’t that great news? UK Health Secretary Matt Hancock seems to think so, he’s suggesting that in the Mad Max type post-apocalyptic hell hole that Britain is about to become, bug burgers will put a smile on the face even the most emaciated remainer.
Trump vows to keep galactic immigrants out with giant space wall!
August 30, 2019Donald Trump has declared war on space, which is strange, as space didn’t actually do anything wrong. But why?
Trump’s Top 10 Ideas for Keeping Hurricanes out of America
August 26, 2019Donald Trump has reportedly suggested on several occasions that the US military could drop nuclear bombs on hurricanes to stop them in their tracks. A genius idea, clearly, and there’s plenty more where that came from. Here’s ten of Trump’s next-best solutions:
Mums say ‘cheers’ to 3D scanners ending liquid limits – as Gin set to make long-haul family flights bearable again.
August 25, 2019‘Since my two darling sleep thieves arrived, I’ve been forced to holiday in the UK because I just can’t afford the cost of a trip abroad, plus all the airline alcohol needed to survive a flight with two under twos. Since this news broke, I’ve been stocking up on the mother’s ruin and googling holiday destinations!’
You’re fired – Trump insists climate change doesn’t exist and Amazon infernos are nothing to worry about
August 25, 2019“This really is a niche issue, not something for an important guy like me to worry about,” said Mr Trump. “People are complaining we could run out of oxygen. But in America we’ve got plenty of oxygen , beautiful oxygen, the best oxygen – and it’s all thanks to me folks.
