It’s been fifty years this week since Apollo 11 landed on the moon! Here’s 8 fascinating (oh, yes they are!) facts that you may or may not know related to the moon landing, or nine if you count this sentence.
Science and Tech
Medical Science to conjoin Trump and Boris (to see if one single entity makes any more sense than constituent parts)
July 17, 2019Conjoined twin girls who were joined at the head have been separated in ground-breaking surgery at Great Ormond Street Hospital. Medical Science will now perform miraculous new surgery to conjoin President Donald Trump and PM-elect Boris Johnson to see if a single entity makes any more sense than the nonsensical constituent parts.
“We’ve put Turing on the £50 and now Homophobia is officially over!” says Theresa May
July 15, 2019“LGBT people are now safe from discrimination and we don’t need to mention things like chemical castration, or Section 28 and how I supported that act”.
“Yes – we’re listening. We wish we weren’t though – you’re all so f*cking boring…” say Google
July 12, 2019“I thought we’d we hearing arguments, drama or some intellectual conversation. Instead, all we hear is people asking their Google Assistant is what the weather is like, what song is playing or what else the bloke off the telly has been in.”
Twitter trolls use site outage to swot up on spelling and grammar
July 12, 2019Large parts of Twitter went down on Thursday to consternation in the UK and America. The sites troll community have used the outage as an opportunity to swot up on their spelling and grammar.
You definitely have cancer, confirms Alexa
July 10, 2019From today, the voice-assisted technology is automatically searching the official NHS website when UK users ask for health-related advice. Meaning that users are able to get a quick, free diagnosis from the plastic cylinder in their lounge that the unusual feeling in their stomach or in one of their limbs is most probably cancer and that they’d better start making funeral arrangements.
Online porn checks delayed as testers get “distracted”
June 21, 2019The system was meant to begin in April 2018 but was postponed until July this year, a deadline they are expected to miss. Despite the delays, morale appears to be up. People from other departments have volunteered their time to assist with the programme, proving the strongest teams are those that pull together.
Chinese Tombs Yield Earliest Evidence Of Cannabis Use at Beijing Conservative Club.
June 14, 2019The study suggests cannabis was being smoked at least 2,500 years ago, and that it may have been associated with ritual or religious activities, and extensive austerity programmes, designed to hit the poorest in society.
The ultimate limit of human endurance has been found – it’s 3 years of Brexit negotiations
June 7, 2019Any level of activity higher than the rate the scientists identified was not sustainable in the long term. ‘No shit’ said a bedraggled Theresa May, seen loading up on Lucozade and protein powder before her most recent trip to Brussels.
Apple to delete iTunes. Next they’ll remove the Camera App, the Earphone Jack, and eventually the screen.
June 6, 2019The company also announced a Nano version of their already disputed and easily misplaced ear-pods, costing only £699 and plan to introduce the Ipad Mini, a hand-held tablet that can make calls and play music.
