The United States Supreme Court has allowed President Donald Trump to enforce his policy of recruiting thousands of extra transgender banjo players for the military. Unsurprisingly the four piece quartet of liberal judges on the court opposed the ruling in close harmony.
This time around the pair won’t be talking about nuclear disarmament. Trump’s just looking for some advice on how to get his own government back in line and end the current shutdown. Kim Jong Un is the leading expert on how to handle shutdowns – having shut down freedom of speech, freedom of movement, and freedom of the thoughts you have when you’re just drifting off to sleep but feel you might need the loo.
He welcomed the winners of the national college football championship, the Clemson Tigers, with more than 300 burgers as well as fries and pizzas. Trump shared images with his followers, making note that he had millions more than Jesus ever had and that the son of God’s social media presence was ‘sad, like really sad’.
Trump then continued his rambling speech by talking about the expensive cars that the Secret Service use and the wheels on those vehicles. No-one is quite sure how long he spoke for, as something more relevant and interesting began happening while the President was speaking. A full report on that paint drying will be published shortly.
“These are great, great days for American crisis manufacturing” said the Trumpster. “Of course, I am at the heart of this rise in crisis manufacturing and am very proud to have made true on my promise to have American crisis…es… es… es..? … 100% made by American people. i.e. me. Just me. No-one else.”